Avoiding Confrontations Will Cost You

by David Ning · 7 comments

Many of us try to avoid confrontations like a plague. Especially in the Chinese culture, we were taught not to challenge our teachers. We were told not to question authority and we learned never to question our boss.

Yesterday, I witnessed a reckless kid opening his SUV’s door and subsequently hitting my car’s side view mirror. Instead of doing the right thing and confronting the whole family about it, I walked away. I walked away thinking “This happens all the time and I wouldn’t see anything normally anyway. It’s fine. Let it go.”

I convinced myself that not facing the situation is correct. Well, I paid for it.

When I came back out, I noticed that the kid didn’t even snap the mirror back to the original position. Worst of all, there was a pretty big scratch on the back side. It’s amazing how the full car of people never said anything to me when they hit my car. It’s even more amazing that I thought it was okay to avoid confrontations.

I chose to walk away and I will live with the consequences. Don’t be like me because confrontations are apart of life. If you are right:

  • Alert your boss of your views
  • Tell the teacher that perhaps there’s another point to consider
  • Explain to your parents why you did what you did.

Show respect but there’s no need to back down. Present your points or else it will be you that pays the price.

I did.

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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Neal Frankle April 1, 2009 at 7:05 am

Solid reminder. I also shy away from confrontation and I don’t know why.

I do know that when I “go against myself” and set boundaries, it works out well.

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Rick Vaughn April 1, 2009 at 8:42 am

Ning,

It goes to the age old phrase of “nice guys finish last”. So many kids have their heads in the clouds obviously their parents aren’t making them aware of mistakes.

The only way you can grow as a person is to have some uncomfortable conversations. However, make sure you think through before you speak. Especially, with the boss.

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tom April 1, 2009 at 9:00 am

Well i think a lot of us are like that, we like to stay comfortable and not do the thing that is uncomfortable, out of our comfort zone.

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Steve |MyWifeQuitHerJob.com April 1, 2009 at 3:15 pm

Hey David,

I hear you. It took me a long time to get over being non-confrontational because that was the way I was brought up. As I’ve found out over the years being confrontational is sometimes required to get ahead.

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Kai Lo April 1, 2009 at 3:22 pm

Damn, hope you learned you lesson. The only thing I can’t do about car damage is a hit-and-run on my car while I’m no where near my car. The family was being very irresponsible about your damage.

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Herbert April 2, 2009 at 4:38 pm

It’s interesting how the Chinese culture was mentioned. I’m of Chinese descent myself, but I like to think that I can be quite confrontational most of the time. It’s a matter of foresight, for me — I know that I’ll end up regretting not saying something, so I might as well say it.

…of course, that kind of philosophy has gotten into much trouble too, haha.

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Play Games Win Prizes April 7, 2009 at 7:58 pm

The thing is when you avoid confrontation once like this, you are MORE than likely going to avoid it again. It is mainly due to fear and that is what my wife tells me too :(

-Mike

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