How I’m Rebuilding My Life After a Divorce

by Miranda Marquit · 19 comments

It’s been a crazy five months in my life. Since my husband asked for a divorce, I’ve had to re-evaluate my life and my priorities and try to figure out how to rebuild. While I don’t have everything figured out yet, I do feel like I’m on the right track. Here’s how I’m working to rebuild my life:

Move to a New Place

The first thing I decided to do after my now-ex-husband asked for a divorce was move to a new town. I moved across the country. Moving to Idaho from the Philadelphia area wasn’t my first choice, but I thought a clean break would help my son and me make our fresh start. Plus, Idaho has the following benefits:

  • My family nearby for support
  • Lower cost of living
  • Smaller population and land area allowing us to settle in and be more involved to help with the transition

I’m fortunate I have the income to allow me to make a big cross-country move and resettle. My career as a freelancer allows me to work from anywhere, so I’m not constrained by geography. Additionally, I am also fortunate I have good credit, so getting a rental in the neighborhood I had my eye on wasn’t a problem.

It’s not always possible to move to a new place, but if you can manage it, a new location can help you adjust your mindset so you can rebuild your life.

Use My Support System

I never thought I’d need a good support system in my life. However, this experience taught me that there is no replacement for having good supporting people around you. I’m grateful for my family — especially my parents — and the friends who helped me.

My support system has been helpful as I bounce ideas off of them for what’s next, as well as get help with my son and use them to get “plugged in” to the local area. I haven’t lived here for 17 years, and a lot has changed. The support system has been a big help.

Look for Community Opportunities

I’ve decided that my new life is going to include community involvement. I’ve joined the local Chamber of Commerce as a business, and I’m volunteering too. Looking for ways to help out in the community also allowed me to meet new people, and feel as though I am participating in something larger than myself. It’s a great help to me as I strive to become someone I want to be.

Change My Outlook

I spent weeks unhappy about the situation and seeing it as a huge setback in my life. While I’m still sad about this change, I’m starting to see it as an opportunity. I would never choose this situation, but I can certainly change my outlook. I’m viewing this as a chance to revamp my finances, overhaul the way I use my time and to provide my son with opportunities he might not have had otherwise.

So far, it’s taken some time, but I feel optimistic about what’s next. And I’m grateful to be in a good position and have the resources that make it all possible.

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{ read the comments below or add one }

  • Rajesh says:

    I can understand the phase you are going through and appreciate your efforts in rebuilding your life.. this article appeals to many and could help those people who are going through this phase.

  • Kylie Travers says:

    As someone who has been through a very messy divorce, I feel for you. I know how hard divorce can be and you are doing everything right. I think moving as you have and having support network plus still allowing contact as much as possible and encouraging that shows how mature and smart you are.

  • Miranda Marquit says:

    Thank you for your kind support. Some of the reason I’ve been so fortunate and buoyed up is my great support system, and how great my friends are.

  • Argie says:

    Someone will always try to second-guess what you decide, but bravo for pulling yourself out of despair and moving forward. I was in a similar situation a few years ago, after having been married a very long time and expecting to grow old with my husband. It was a shock that took years before arriving at many of the same decisions that you made in months. I think what helped the most was getting involved in my new community and taking on some volunteer responsibilities that prompted new acquaintances. I am still redefining myself and beginning to truly enjoy life on my own. Thanks for putting your thoughts and experiences in writing.

    • Miranda Marquit says:

      Thanks, Argie! Best wishes to you. It’s difficult to move forward, and sometimes I still struggle. It takes time to redefine yourself and learn to do everything all over again as a single person. I wish you the best as you continue to move forward.

  • Zina at Debt Free After Three says:

    Proud of you for sharing your story. Your son is lucky.

  • May Bohon says:

    Thank you for being a great example of how changing perspective can change your life, even in unexpected circumstances. Keep up the fantastic work!

  • Shannyn says:

    Kudos to you for starting over Miranda! I have a friend in a similar situation, and despite what (one) person has said, I know you always put your sons needs at the top of the list. This move was a smart one and will help you both. You’re a great writer and a great mom, thanks for sharing your experience!

  • Gaffer says:

    Moving across the country with your son so he can not be in his father’s life is brutal and will negatively impact your child’s life. In your article you say you did NOT have to move for financial reasons so your explanation is you took your son out of his father’s life for your personal reasons.

    • Kay says:

      I disagree with you Gaffer! It was Daddy who wanted out and I’m sure Mom conferred with him about her plans. He was obviously fine with it because any court in America will tell Mom or Dad NO, you may not take the child that far from the other. You don’t know the details of this situation, and since she didn’t want the divorce needs the support system since Dad probably already had his lined up. You’re a terrible person for telling someone trying to bettter their life they are selfish. You’re just full of yourself Gaffer!

    • Kate says:

      Maybe we read different articles, but I don’t see anywhere that the author said that she did not have to move for financial reasons. In fact, she cites the lower cost of living as one of the reasons for the move.

      Way to bash someone trying to make the best of an obviously bad situation.

    • Jay says:

      You’re not in a position to judge someone’s decision-making process following divorce unless you’re intimately familiar with the situation.

      It doesn’t sound as if that’s the case here. So what you did was make a generalization about the impact on the child’s life.

      Your comment was one rife with assumptions and preconceived notions that may be incorrect.

      The right thing to do would have been to wish both adults, and the child, peace and emotional well-being in the face of what has surely been a tumultuous time in their lives.

      The judgmental and wrong thing to do would be … well, it would be exactly what you did in your comment.

  • ChrisCD (@jumbocds) says:

    I wish there was a simple “Like” button. :O) Way to begin working on making lemonade form life’s lemons. You are facing things I have not had to and doing so with grace, strength, and a positive attitude. That will serve your son well to. :O)

  • Jess says:

    What a wonderful and positive attitude you have! Getting involved in the community is a wonderful thing!

  • Ramona says:

    So sorry to hear about this, Miranda.

    You will make it though, you are strong and well supported by your dear ones, so there’s only one way from now on: up 🙂

    Relocating might seem difficult, but, if you have your family there, it’s the best decision, both for you and your kid. I just hope your ex-husband is involved enough in his son’s life, so that he won’t miss his daddy too much. We should never forget that, most of the times, the big victims when it comes to a divorce are the kids.

    Keeping fingers crossed and waiting for great news from your part.

    • Miranda Marquit says:

      The good (but sad) news is that he doesn’t really miss his dad at all. He never came to his activities. He often left for work before my son was up, and came home just before bed. Now that we have moved, my ex actually has more interaction, since they text regularly, and talk on Skype. I make sure that my son is available for regular Skype chats, and am making arrangements for him to spend time with my ex over Christmas and during the summer, as per my ex’s request. However, even with that, my ex is already backtracking on spending time with him during the summer, saying that he will take him and leave him with my former in-laws for half the time. It’s good that he will see his grandparents (when they came out for a wedding, I made the effort to drive three hours each way and spend four days with them so they could be with my son), though.

  • Gary @ Super Saving Tips says:

    Divorce is difficult no matter what the circumstances. It’s good to have a positive outlook for the future, and it sounds like you’ve made some smart decisions to help you and your son move forward.

  • Jeremy says:

    Thanks for the post. Tough times. I like in your other article (revamp your finances) how you focus on how to make more money, as opposed to simply trying to save more. I think that is a key thing that a lot of people miss when trying to get ahead.

  • Money Beagle says:

    Wow, that’s a heck of a lot of change in such a short amount of time, but it sounds like you went through it as clear headed as possible and with an end goal of stability for you and your son as the target, and that you’re well on your way. Good luck as you continue forward!

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