Thirty thousand dollars. I heard that figure and my jaw dropped. That’s the amount that a couple of my friends are spending on their upcoming wedding.
Every time I hear about some new detail of the plans for the wedding, there’s a little voice in my head that starts commenting on the bottom line. But here’s the thing — it’s not my wedding. I’m not going to say a word because my friends are adults and seem to be pretty pleased with what they’re getting for their money.
The High Cost of Weddings
The Wedding Report, an industry publication, reports that the average wedding costs $29,000 in the U.S, so my friends aren’t so far off the norm. The number may be hard to wrap your head around if you’re used to thinking about things in terms of budgeting, saving money and all the other little things that go along with thinking hard about your personal finances, but it’s also not so uncommon when you think about the number of cultures in which families bring themselves to the edge of bankruptcy for weddings, dowries and other related expenses.
Personally, I don’t like those numbers but the simple fact of the matter is that I know I’m in the minority. My wedding cost just under $200 and I got exactly what I wanted (down to the perfect cake). While I have a hard time understanding the big numbers some people spend on weddings, many people have just as hard a time understanding how I could spend so little.
Nothing I can say or do will make my friends see things my way — and the reverse is just as true. And since they’re happy, the only result I can see from saying anything at all is putting my friendships in danger. So, I’m keeping my mouth shut.
High-Priced Weddings Aren’t Going Away
But I’m still thinking about the matter.
I’m thinking about why people so clearly prefer big weddings, even with the price tag. For a lot of people, I think it’s a matter of priorities: they’ve thought things through and the idea of a big wedding and all that goes with it (fun times with family, a great party and so on) is worth it. The experience of the perfect wedding is worth more than the alternatives of where they can spend that money.
At the end of the day, it’s a matter of personal choices, as it should be. If your financial priority is your wedding, that’s fine. You should be able to throw the rockingest party you can. The problems creep in when we think about the fact that not everyone manages their finances perfectly. Not everyone saves up money to pay for their wedding ahead of time or budget for what they can afford to spend. Some people choose to go pretty deep into debt in order to have the wedding of their dreams and wind up paying even more in interest, not to mention causing damage to their credit.
The idea of massive debt for one day of fun — charging an amount equivalent to at least a down payment on a house, if not most of the total cost — is what bothers me. I’m lucky enough that my friends aren’t in that boat, but even if they were, it seems like it’s not considered polite to even bring up wedding costs and talk about debts. It’s not a friend’s place to say anything. I can’t help but wonder if costs would be a little lower if friends talked about how they were able to save money on their celebrations or talk candidly about staying out of debt.
The current state of the economy seems to be bringing a few more of those discussions out into the open. But we’ve still got a ways to go. I’m certainly not interested in risking my friendships just to talk about money. I don’t think I’m the only one, either.
So, I wish my friends all the happiness in the world — a beautiful wedding and a wonderful marriage. I will be there for the happy day and I will gladly celebrate with them.
Related Posts
- Would We Fulfill Our Retirement Dreams Once We Reach Our Goal?
- My Big Fat Wedding
- Scaling Up to Make More Money is Not Impossible
- Speak Up and Save Money
- How to Save Money on Your Wedding
{ 414 comments… read them below or add one }
← Previous Comments
We walked into a court house with a couple of friends to witness and walked out a few minutes later married. That was 36+ years ago and we are still happily married. We have some wealthy friends who spent $100,000+ on their daughter’s wedding a dozen years ago; a couple of years later, they divorced.
Conclusion: the more money you spend on a wedding the bigger the chances of getting a divorce.
Good for you. My parents married in 1968 and had a small church wedding. The reception was held in the backyard of my great-aunt’s house with cake and punch served on a picnic table. They divorced 20 years later. Your theory has no merit. Bottom line: it’s not the size of the wedding, but who you marry.
I’m hoping to have my most expensive wedding in a couple of years – budgeting $8000 – $12,000 for it. But it’s “late life”, after 20+ years of being single, having raised two boys to manhood (now in their 30′s and late 20′s) and a celebration is in order!
The plan WAS to book a local bed and breakfast with a private chapel for two days and one night, taking all five of the available rooms for ourselves and family members, having a quiet ceremony with family and a handful of friends (after a nice lunch with family at a local restaurant owned by a friend), a simple reception of cake and sparkling punch, then flying ourselves, the kids plus spouses and grands and one little dog to San Antonio for a four or five day family vacation – riverwalk, zoo, botanical gardens, day trips to Luckenbach and Fredricksburg – then flying everyone back to their respective homes.
Unfortunately, the bed and breakfast with chapel shut down and filed for bankruptcy this week, so I’m looking for another venue that welcomes children and pets – found a lovely b&b in San Antonio (which would cut down on the multiple airfares!), but children under 17 are not allowed on the premises, and pets are verboten! With toddler/infant grands, I can’t “kennel” them the way I could (but won’t!) the dog, so I’m back to square one.
That said, the majority of the expense will be airfare for family, their food, lodging and admission fees to attractions – not your “traditional” wedding costs. We are offering to pay in full for our kids, spouses and grands, and will include my mother and his brother, if they are able to join us.
As to the wedding itself, I bought a lovely formal yet knee length dress on sale for under $50 on clearance at Coldwater Creek, and have vintage hat and gloves to match. All I need to find are the perfect shoes, LOL! I plan to reuse silk bouquets and boutonnières from my younger son’s wedding last year, and make one or two additional floral arrangements as silk flowers go on sale at Hobby Lobby. I have a photo of a cake design to take to a local baker – very simple flowers on a small two tier cake to serve 24 – 30. I’ll use an heirloom Fostoria punch bowl my grandmother bought for my mothers wedding shower in 1948, and my daughters in law will put the punch together – slushy ginger ale with cans of concentrated fruit punch. Disposable clear plastic plates w/matching punch cups and plastic “silver” flatware, with non-personalized “party store” napkins are inexpensive, available at Sam’s Club, and make clean up easy. My darling daughter in laws will be my attendants, and sons will be groomsmen – one will wear his military uniform, the other a simple blue suit (may have to buy him a new one – his wife feeds him too well!), and I’m offering to buy the girls dresses of their choice (one loves pink and feminine, the other is more edgy, so that should make for interesting shopping!).
So, that leaves the other expenses being an officiant (JPs here do house calls for $50), music (probably off an iPod!), and photographer/videographer (again, we have friends whose kids are in those lines of work!), and the ever frustrating issue of venue – I suppose if it comes down to it, we can just have an at home wedding (we had my younger son’s wedding in my house, so why not make it a tradition?).
Twenty-nine years ago himself put on his uniform and I put on a thirty-five dollar flea-market shirtwaist and we got married by the chaplain. Then we took his two buddies who stood up with us (my “maid of honor” was a six-foot tanker named Dave) out for a steak dinner.
My oldest brother and his lovely bride had their reception in her church’s basement and it was a potluck. Almost forty years later they are still together.
Number two brother got hitched in his wife’s backyard. Thirty-five years and still going strong.
Could we somehow pin the divorce rate to the rise in ridiculously opulent weddings? Because having to come back down to earth after your Martha Stewart fantasy ends, has to bite.
As a videographer, I have shot many a wedding at just about every price level. The biggest mistake I ever made with a wedding was underbidding an elaborate wedding. I had special gear, extra rented cameras and wireless sound equipment, hired operators, etc. It was a friend so I thought I would just cover my expenses, the hotel, and a few extra benjamines for myself. I put in the bid for $3500. I later found that the services I provided were easily worth $10,000. I knew the bride was not happy at the initial viewing of the nearly completely edited and assembled footage. It had nothing to do with the quality, content, angles, sophistication, special effects, etc. It all had to do with the fact that all her friends had paid $10,000 for their video services. From that moment on, I never made another friend a good deal on video. If they wanted cheap, they could hire a cousin or uncle to use a Flip or Iphone. I found that you should just toss out what you are worth and if they don’t like it, then screw them.
Feel free to screw yourself. The ECONOMY sucks and you? New to get your act together. My brother did my photos. So what? Stop feeling entitled. They’re pictures-lousy pictutures. Who cares? You are Michalangelo. Get over it.
This thread has been going on for a very long time. Two things really bother me about it: first, the cost of the wedding be it five bucks of 500K is no one’s business but the bride and grooms, and their family’s if that applies. Second, it is absolutely false I think that the amount spent has something to do with if the marriage lasts or not. Most people who have uber-cheap weddings do so because they do not have any money to spend on a wedding, not because they are being “frugal”. Not having any money is actually a stress on marriage.
On the other side of the fence, the “lifestyles of the rich and famous” type weddings – as in doing it up Kardashian style probably involve often times some pretty spoiled people with fairly unreasonable expectations all around – not just of marriage but of a lot of things in life.
Most people I know spent a moderate amount on their weddings, but as I said if they spent 5 bucks or half a million, it is really none of my business. We did spend on some extras for our wedding, not crazy spending and not going into debt but yes we did splurge. My main regret is that I did not get my first choise dress because of cost. I should have went ahead and bought it – we could afford it and that was our one and only wedding. It was still a great wedding, though dress or not.
I have seen this thread before too. “I spent two pennies on my wedding and I am soooo proud” LOL. It’s completely ridiculous.
Weddings are special occasions and like all things “special” they require some time, attention and investment.
I saved for years and don’t regret spending it. My wedding is worth it. I wanted my guest to feel loved and pampered for one evening and they felt it. I wanted my hubby and I to feel like a King and Queen for a day… and we felt that too. We had expensive delicious food, expensive delicious wine, a romantic location and lots of loved ones to share it with! I couldn’t have asked for anything more.
Now, if my marriage will last… well I hope so, cause I am not doing this again! But if we’d had no money and just gone to a judge the love would be the same, but the insanely awesome experience would be missing. Money does buy some amazing experiences. Isn’t that why we work so hard? My wedding was quite the experience. It’s something that will stay with me forever.
Wow- Thumbs up for Shay and say what? for Li la. I gather your marriage isn’t very old so congrats on the hugely expensive party but let’s see how you feel in 15 years when you are-where? You don’t know,do you? I have lots of experiences that will stay with me forever-childbirth,miscarriage, my husband’s stroke, nursing my mother-in-law on her deathbed when I missed my best friend’s daughter’s wedding to be with her. But really,the wedding? It was no big deal. Seriously-I judt wanted it over and to start being a wife. I really wanted to go . The most exciting moment of the week I was married happened as we were driving across country and as “he” parked,I went into the restaurant to get a table. “Table for 1? No,I’m waiting for -MY HUBAND!” That was worth a lot. That was unforgettable. I agree with Shay-so many entitled ,spoiled people who think that being King and Queen for a day is everything-and when the real world sets in? Burps and somach flu,and migraines and misery,and money problems,career moves,foreclosure,death,hair loss, or even dirty underwear on the floor really comes home to roost,they are suddenly filing for irreconcilable differences. 90% of the time,life sucks. Travel the road with someone who can go the distance who still loves you even when he doesn’t always like you.Lol.
Okay, since everyone else is posting their stats here goes: $5,000 six years ago. Met at church, married at said church, lunch buffet in the church basement for everyone we could think of to invite. Marriage gets better every day.
Now here’s what I gotta say: reading about everyone’s weddings is great! I love hearing all these sweet stories, especially from people who have been married for much longer than we have. Thanks to everyone who told their unique story here.
I don’t care so much for the “everyone should do it this way” attitude a few people have but they’re the exception.
My only concern with the cost of weddings is if a couple feels they have to put off getting married to save for it. My husband and I would have had a $200 wedding if that was all we could afford, but we wouldn’t have pushed it a single day later over money.
The cost of a wedding is largely dependent on where you get married and how big the wedding will be. Getting married in Boonies, USA with a wedding contingent of a bride, groom and a dog is much less expensive than, say, a wedding in Manhattan, NY with 100+ guests.
It’s (hopefully) a once-in-a-lifetime party. People give gifts and hopefully the newlyweds’ parents chip in a bit, so that can help with the costs. In the end, if someone wants to invite me to a $300,000 wedding, I’ll be there and I promise I won’t complain about how much the bride and groom spent on me.
I was married 37 1/2 years ago. Our wedding cost $350. I might have wanted to spend a little more-say $1,000,but we couldn’t. It was a sweet wedding. It was a loving wedding,and after all these years,when my husband left on a business trip to India lasting a week,I still can’t sleep unless he is beside me. Ism’t that the important point? Isn’t all about love and marriage? If not-you spent too much.
Face it, a contemporary marriage has a 50/50 chance of lasting. So consider it: would you go to Vegas and plop down $100,000 on a single turn of the roulette wheel? In 1993 we had an intimate (30 people) wedding. People got to order what the wanted off the menu of our favorite restaurant (no rubber chicken, or mass produced prime rib), and we got married about 10 feet from where I proposed to her. I was told by the guests it was the BEST wedding they had ever attended. we dropped $3000 on it. Honeymoon in Bonaire for 2 weeks included. No going into hock for years, no big “who is that guest?” wonder, we knew the people, and they knew everyone as well. Awesome time.
Why throw a lavish gala to impress folks who you might not see again after 5 years? We did what we wanted, when we wanted.
My honey and I decided we’d rather save our money for an emergency savings account so we wouldn’t have to feel stressed out in our new marriage if an unexpected expense came up. It worked great for us. I got a lot of amazing free decorations from freecycle (which I later passed on to other brides!) we reserved a city park shelter on the beach that had two fireplaces and it looked so dreamy inside when we were finished decorating. I used the barter system to get the wedding cake, and bought a dress from an online surplus store that looked incredible. The party was pot-luck style and we supplied the alcohol, coffee, punch etc. We had a huge turn-out, had a fantastic party, listened to tunes from an Napster playlist I created myself…we felt like royalty, and spent around a $1,000 total and that included the tux rental. We did decide to pay for the housing of our of town guests which was about $1,500 but we were able to pay for all of it while still holding on to some money in the bank for emergencies. Not having financial stress was a great way to start our lives together! We used the $$ we received from guests to go on a similarly thrifty yet luxurious honeymoon in Hawaii. You can have it all on a budget if you just use your imagination…and if you don’t need to do it on a budget, then just go for it and have a great time!
You can spend a reasonable amount on a wedding and have it look much more expensive if you put in sweat equity. 24 years ago we had quite a large wedding: 240 people for $8000. At the time, that was cheap for such a big event. But we got a business hotel that needed the business, and worked with them to put together an inexpensive but nice meal. We provided our own bottles of wine on each table via a friend who had a connection to a wine distributor. We had a 5-piece combo of musicians we auditioned via tape but who were just breaking into the business, so they cut us a deal. It was loose, jazzy, and lots of fun. We designed our own wedding invitations and had them printed at a local printer (you can now do this online very inexpensively). We had out-of-towner events surrounding the wedding at parents’ and friends’ houses, so the costs were basically Costco runs. And we made all of the centerpiece decorations ourselves in advance using very nice silk flowers, and so were able to use them as gifts for all of the folks who had done us favors.
The “sweat equity” we put in not only kept the costs down even though it allowed us to have a large wedding, it made the event all the more special to us. AND it gave plenty of ways for us to give our mothers things to do other than drive us both crazy!
I am sorry your life was so difficult. At no point did I indicate that money spent on the wedding was indicative of the quality of the marriage, you apparently at your advanced age, like to make things up. I only indicated that the cost of the wedding falls within the means of the couple and is also not an indicator of a poor relationship. As long as you want to correlate expense to quality of marriage, I am surprised you are still together. You could have potentially saved money on your kids therapy and potential court costs if you had gotten a clue over all these years. If people want to go into debt for their wedding or not at all is up to them and says nothing about the relationship. If you would like to refer to my statement about you being excited about your own ceremony, I think you may have been confused by sarcasm. Money is a comfort in life and also can potentially decrease marital fights, if you think not, then you aren’t very intelligent. Prayer is your only hope? If you count solely on prayer, then I feel bad for you and your spouses.Your spouse is most likely secretly miserable since you don’t realize that relationships take hard work, thoughtfulness and daily effort. I hope you have another 60.
You are in your 80s? That is amazing, or did you assume 30′s meant 30?I am 39. Anal retentive? I would be too if my life had started like yours, been like yours in the middle and is ending like yours. Good luck in the land of denial.Not the river in Egypt.
This comment is for the genius CheapCheap. Name seems to make sense.
Hilarious. Just because I understand money and when and where to spend it doesn’t mean I’m poor -or even cheap. I never tip less than 20% because I value the work others do. I am known as “cheep cheep” actually,because I have always tried to spend wisely. I live well ,good times or bad,because I shop for bargains, and while that may mean buying a couch for $30, when I’m done with it it is once again a beautiful restored antique. I always told the kids I was grateful we had no money to start with,because the husband wanted Danish Modern and we couldn’t afford it. We could afford a walnut fainting couch for $20 sans fabric,springs,or stuffing.Being “unwealthy” was a boon that taught me to get more and appreciate more what treasures we eventually had. Nice word-play though, Mike. Spider Robinson would be underwhelmed.
Just want to say I married my husband on the patio at my work because we couldn’t afford to fly home 60 days before the wedding my parents paid for to get our license. We enjoyed an elaborate, beautiful memorable wedding for which we were legally married to begin with. It was huge and about 100$ a head. That is what my Mother wanted to do for us, and I was happy to let her. I have wonderful memories and pictures that will last me a life time. My husband is my best friend and always will be. That’s how i knew he was the one. I know this is an old thread, but I have to say we had it both ways. Free and expensive. How much you pay or don’t has noting to do with how long you will stay married. In-fact, I would think that paying a lot and planning all those months would make you even more sure you were doing the right thing. Walking in and out of a courthouse doesn’t take much thought or dough. Either way you do it shouldn’t matter as long as you smile when you open your eyes every morning. Which I do.
xo
Just be smart about it! My wedding (only 6 months ago) cost $5,000. We spend $1,000 on the church (500 for the chapel, 500 for the priest and counseling, my friend played the piano for 75 bucks), $3,000 for the reception (Clay’s restaurant, open back yard, patio, and dance floor with twinkle lights and peacocks, and a cabin room with A/C to hold the dinner– they did the decorations, we only paid for food!), $800 for my dress (Albert Angelo store, moving to a new location, leaving their tired and frequently tried on dresses at their old store to sell half price.. Got a dress with missing buttons and a broken zipper– and THEY fixed it… for free!) and $400 on misc: three dozen long stemmed daises (each bridesmaid had one, I had a bundle, and the rest were put on the reception tables), my friend’s mother made the bridesmaid dresses for $50 each (bridesmaids paid), my cake was about $75 at a local bakery, and my father hooked his ipad to a speaker and voilla!! It doesn’t have to be brain science! Just be smart about it, and don’t think everything you buy has to be traditional and new. Our wedding was beautiful, intimate (about 50-60 ppl), and romantic. Cheap but fun honeymoon at Moody Gardens in Galveston– snuck into a dance, smoked cigars, enjoyed ourselves! Really, it’s all about the romance– the details all fit into place on their own.
← Previous Comments