My Friends are Spending $30K on Their Wedding — And I’m Keeping My Mouth Shut

by Thursday Bram · 1,207 comments

Thirty thousand dollars. I heard that figure and my jaw dropped. That’s the amount that a couple of my friends are spending on their upcoming wedding.

Every time I hear about some new detail of the plans for the wedding, there’s a little voice in my head that starts commenting on the bottom line. But here’s the thing — it’s not my wedding. I’m not going to say a word because my friends are adults and seem to be pretty pleased with what they’re getting for their money.

The High Cost of Weddings

The Wedding Report, an industry publication, reports that the average wedding costs $29,000 in the U.S, so my friends aren’t so far off the norm. The number may be hard to wrap your head around if you’re used to thinking about things in terms of budgeting, saving money and all the other little things that go along with thinking hard about your personal finances, but it’s also not so uncommon when you think about the number of cultures in which families bring themselves to the edge of bankruptcy for weddings, dowries and other related expenses.

Personally, I don’t like those numbers but the simple fact of the matter is that I know I’m in the minority. My wedding cost just under $200 and I got exactly what I wanted (down to the perfect cake). While I have a hard time understanding the big numbers some people spend on weddings, many people have just as hard a time understanding how I could spend so little.

Nothing I can say or do will make my friends see things my way — and the reverse is just as true. And since they’re happy, the only result I can see from saying anything at all is putting my friendships in danger. So, I’m keeping my mouth shut.

High-Priced Weddings Aren’t Going Away

But I’m still thinking about the matter.

I’m thinking about why people so clearly prefer big weddings, even with the price tag. For a lot of people, I think it’s a matter of priorities: they’ve thought things through and the idea of a big wedding and all that goes with it (fun times with family, a great party and so on) is worth it. The experience of the perfect wedding is worth more than the alternatives of where they can spend that money.

At the end of the day, it’s a matter of personal choices, as it should be. If your financial priority is your wedding, that’s fine. You should be able to throw the rockingest party you can. The problems creep in when we think about the fact that not everyone manages their finances perfectly. Not everyone saves up money to pay for their wedding ahead of time or budget for what they can afford to spend. Some people choose to go pretty deep into debt in order to have the wedding of their dreams and wind up paying even more in interest, not to mention causing damage to their credit.

The idea of massive debt for one day of fun — charging an amount equivalent to at least a down payment on a house, if not most of the total cost — is what bothers me. I’m lucky enough that my friends aren’t in that boat, but even if they were, it seems like it’s not considered polite to even bring up wedding costs and talk about debts. It’s not a friend’s place to say anything. I can’t help but wonder if costs would be a little lower if friends talked about how they were able to save money on their celebrations or talk candidly about staying out of debt.

The current state of the economy seems to be bringing a few more of those discussions out into the open. But we’ve still got a ways to go. I’m certainly not interested in risking my friendships just to talk about money. I don’t think I’m the only one, either.

So, I wish my friends all the happiness in the world — a beautiful wedding and a wonderful marriage. I will be there for the happy day and I will gladly celebrate with them.

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{ 1207 comments… read them below or add one }

JJ November 9, 2013 at 1:13 pm

$30k is not a lot for two hard working professionals, and is a years salary for someone working at the grocery store. You want to pay an appropriate amount for your wealth.

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Lo November 10, 2013 at 1:52 pm

$30,000 is more so the average salary for a young, working professional that has entered their first job, but it’s certainly NOT the salary one would earn working in a grocery store, which is considerably less. I know a few people that could afford 30k and a few that couldn’t, but I find your comment insulting and out-of-touch, considering that when I first began, I was a hard-working professional making 30k. But yes, you do want to plan accordingly for your budget.

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JJ November 18, 2013 at 6:12 am

Well, I guess you’re not one then.. I hire engineers right out of college for $60k a year, which is not even the average. After a few years it’s 75k, or 6 grand a month.. If you have two of these hard working professionals, a 30k wedding is only 20% of their annual salary.. chump change!

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Lo November 22, 2013 at 6:29 pm

I’m not going to bother guessing “not one” what. But, no, I didn’t spend $30,000 on my wedding, it went towards the mortgage. That’s where my priorities were, and to each their own.

It still won’t change that I still find your comment insulting. Even people in jobs that pay lower than that of an engineer can have a 30k wedding, myself included, when I started, but I can’t help but get the sense you see anyone who is making less than an engineer neither hard-working nor deserving.

With the financial state of most of the country, you’re still extremely unlikely to find a grocery store clerk making 30k. And, above all else, being a hard-working professional does not entitle you to a hard salary. I’m looking at some of the young teachers.

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Lo November 22, 2013 at 6:35 pm

And just to clarify: If you have the $30,000 or however much that you can spare, then yes, if you want a 30k wedding, go for it. Just remember that it’s your money, and you can take it with you, as well as that some people won’t be able to understand where you’re coming from. It doesn’t suit any party to make generalizations or insults.

Nikki January 18, 2014 at 10:27 am

Thank you Lo. Agreed. Very insulting.

JustPaula March 15, 2014 at 10:00 pm

As an in-house corporate recruiter for large investment banking and financial services companies AND then large advertising agencies, over my 12 year career, I can give you a very honest and clear view of hiring these days: most college grad hires, or those within three years of being a college grad are making 35-40k – and this is in NYC. Most of the population are not engineers and even the most earnest hard-working, ambitious college grads entering into financial services or advertising would have to spend nearly a year’s salary (after taxes) on a $30k wedding.

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ss April 6, 2014 at 8:09 am

I have an engineering degree and only made 30k coming out of school. I took a job in academia that would better serve my goal of getting into graduate school– something I worked hard to get into and to finish. Not everyone can be an engineer, and not everyone wants to be an engineer. And not all engineers make that much! So don’t go making blanket statements about someone’s work ethic because they haven’t met your narrow minded criteria. Also, I don’t know where you live, but i don’t know how anyone who pays their taxes and sees 6 grand a month when making $75k. Furthermore, I don’t live in my mom’s basement, so even though my fiance and I both make good money by your standards, 30k is not chump change because we have other living expenses (although we are paying for our wedding ourselves through careful budgeting, I refuse to spend that much on one day).

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Cole April 9, 2014 at 6:19 am

Ha, ya JJ is total douche. To call $30,000 “chump change” like you’re some sort of big shot – you’re completely out-of-touch and you’re not impressing anyone. Think of what $30,000 would mean to someone whose parents can’t afford to send them to college. Or for a single parent raising children on a 40-50k income. And there are tons of people who would love to have a job that even pays that much. Lots of good, hard-working people have lost jobs with this recent economic downfall.

The fact that you can’t even realize that 60-70k out of college is far from the norm out of college is alarming. Not everyone can be an engineering student. That’s why they get paid well.

Let’s say you have a “normal”, hard-working couple who have a combined income of 80k a year. After taxes that’s probably what, 60k? If you rent a nice little place where I’m from, it will cost about half that. Food, gas, telephone bills, car payments, insurance, probably another 5-10k. So this couple is putting away about $10-20 grand in savings a year.

So you think a new couple saving for a house have $30,000 to burn on a wedding? Maybe if they don’t mind setting themselves back 2-4 years.

The truth is it’s the parents who mostly pay for weddings. And these are mostly people 50-60 years old who’ve had more of a lifetime to save for a wedding. And if you’re parents can’t afford a 30k “dream” wedding? Then you’re shit out of luck.

I don’t know much about weddings, but if the love is there, the friends and friends are there……you don’t need 30k to make it special. That just sounds like common sense. And I can’t stand people who don’t have compassion or empathy for others. They are the scum of the earth.

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James November 11, 2013 at 2:44 pm

Are you high? What grocery store clerk makes $30k a year? Most are going to make around 20k to 23k only. That is of course working full time, which doesn’t happen now because employers would rather have higher turnover due to lacking full time hours or benefits. Most jobs aren’t paying $14/hour+. You can be a hard working professional and still make $50k.

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JJ November 18, 2013 at 6:09 am

Work on your skills! The median expected salary for a typical Stock Clerk – Grocery Store in the United States is $29,929. This basic market pricing report was prepared using our Certified Compensation Professionals’ analysis of survey data collected from thousands of HR departments at employers of all sizes, industries and geographies.

http://www1.salary.com/Stock-Clerk-Grocery-Store-Salary.html

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Piccolo November 19, 2013 at 5:43 am

You need to stop looking at books and the internet and start checking your facts. Grocery store clerks do NOT make $29k. If “one” makes that much and 1000 don’t come close whip up your calculator and do the math!

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AnnieMc November 21, 2013 at 7:23 pm

Actually, my husband makes about $35,000 a year as a grocery clerk. The wages for this position vary widely from state to state, and even store to store. The best wages are with union stores.

Jj November 22, 2013 at 7:07 pm

Do you know what the word “median” means? It means half of the workers make more, and half make less…good gawd.

kj January 20, 2014 at 3:42 pm

JJ said “The median expected salary for a typical Stock Clerk – Grocery Store in the United States is $29,929″ – JJ is that what you think they are taking home after taxes? I’m pretty sure if that’s what you’ve heard they are making, they aren’t actually bringing all that $ home.

$65K really isn’t that much at the end of the day. Divide it up amongst the hours that an Engineer is really required to put in, and you’re basically not making that much more than you would if you worked as a Grocery Store Stock Clerk. Does JJ sound like a boss who’d pay you $65K a year if you’re only willing to work a standard 40 hours a week?

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JE January 3, 2014 at 12:21 pm

As someone with a newly minted Master’s Degree entering the Library world – my annual salary is about what you’ve quoted for the grocery store.

Your assumptions are ridiculous.

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sally sue January 14, 2014 at 7:22 pm

I also have an MLS and my salary at my first professional library job was 28k. This was with 8 years of part time paraprofessional library work under my belt. Oh well.

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christilynn January 14, 2014 at 8:19 pm

I am also a librarian. I make the same amount quoted for the grocery clerk…and I work part time (17 1/2 hours a week). JE, I know you are just starting out, but it will get better – I promise. Being a librarian is more fulfilling than I ever thought it would be. Good luck!

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Jj February 19, 2014 at 9:27 am

The median pay for a librarian with a Master’s is $55,370 in 2012. So your career has a modest upside.. Smile!

http://www.bls.gov/ooh/education-training-and-library/librarians.htm

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Crimson Wife November 12, 2013 at 10:14 pm

My cousin spent $70k on her wedding while I spent $12k. Her wedding was nicer, but it wasn’t more than 5 times nicer than mine. A lot of money got spent on things that didn’t really add a lot of value. For example, colored ink and matching linings on the envelopes for the invitations. Is that seriously worth paying hundreds of dollars more for just to have it match the color scheme? I didn’t feel that way.

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britney November 12, 2013 at 10:44 pm

How much extra is that? 100 bucks? Anyways I’m sure your wedding was nice however you can tell the difference between a 12000 wedding and a 70000 dollar wedding. I would also like to know the difference in food, drinks, apps. The venue, the decor, the guft bags. The amount of guest, her dress. I mean you say there wasn’t much of a difference I doubt that. Something like ink wasn’t a big money difference, you sound like a hater quite frankly. I’m not saying you want her wedding but you seem like one of those snobs who miffs at people spending money.

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Whocares November 14, 2013 at 9:27 am

Anyone that spends that kind of money for one day of fun is very wasteful. I have been to very nice weddings in back yards with great food and memories. It is just a bad use of money to spend that much on a wedding. It does not surprise me with all the fiscal irresponsibleness in the world that someone would think it is a good idea to go into debt for a wedding.

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britney November 14, 2013 at 9:42 am

Who says you will go into debt? Um do you know everyone in the world finances? You are a judgemental witch.and a know it all. As if you know everyones bank account and what they can afford. You are something that rymes with witch.

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diane brocker January 2, 2014 at 11:49 am

Britney calling people names makes you sound like you’re in jr high. cant take you seriously.

sarah November 14, 2013 at 9:08 pm

Spending that kind of money on a wedding does not mean you go into debt. I agree that it is too much money to spend on a wedding but my parents spent about 25 to 30 grant on my first wedding and they did not go into debt. They paid cash for my wedding and they are not stinking rich just did a good job of saving money. I went to the court house for my second marriage and I have been married for 10 years.

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carolathome December 14, 2013 at 2:57 am

Your parents spent $30,000 that would otherwise have been in their savings for retirement. I hope you are happy with your wedding because the money that would have earned by their retirement could pay off their house or provided a better scale of liiving for years. I like the idea of spending only $200, but she neglected to tell us how she accomplished that feat.

christilynn December 14, 2013 at 8:52 am

For carolathome, below:

Sorry, carolathome, but my parents paid off their house while I was still in high school. They had planned for my wedding and didn’t touch a dime of their retirement money for it. My wedding didn’t cost $30k, by the way – mine was about $100k.

I don’t regret a moment of it. You might not understand how my parents could spend so much money on one day, but it was their money and they could do what they wanted with it. My husband and I asked them if they would give us the money if we eloped instead, and they said no – the money was for a wedding, or nothing at all. So we chose the wedding.

Thank goodness we did – because my father died 6 years later. I have beautiful memories, a lovely video, and gorgeous pictures. My mother, whom my father had prepared for retirement so well that she doesn’t need to work for the rest of her life – still says that planning and having the wedding was the most wonderful time in her life. It was completely worth it. Everyone’s situation is different – no one should judge anyone’s wedding because no one knows the whole story.

Tech March 13, 2014 at 12:05 pm

LOL

My parents spend 30 grand on my FIRST wedding and they did not go into debt.

LOL

JenniferC November 13, 2013 at 11:58 am

We didn’t spend $30K but live in a lower cost of living area still had a pretty fancy event. The biggest cost was the number of guests and that was driven by both my parents and my spouses parents. They split the cost of the guest list and invited whomever they wanted. I won’t do that to my own children, our wedding was far too large and I wasted too many hours of my reception having awkard, inescapable conversations with total strangers that in the last decade I have never seen again.
But, the gifts added up and we were able to use that money as a down payment on our first home. So there is that.

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MickinMD November 13, 2013 at 2:33 pm

“The Wedding Report, an industry publication, reports that the average wedding costs $29,000 in the U.S, so my friends aren’t so far off the norm.”

This report is based on surveys of WEDDING PLANNERS. People who have to hire a wedding planner separate from services provided by the reception hall, etc. are people who are spending a lot of money.

People whose house of worship plus the reception hall, or relatives, handle all the details are NOT included in the average.

Of course, the industry despicably wants to con us all into thinking that $29,000 is what’s expected. Since this article promotes the same idea, I’m a little disgusted with it as well.

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theroostersays November 25, 2013 at 7:28 pm

yes! thank you!

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Whocares loser November 14, 2013 at 9:45 am

It isn’t a waste for people that can afford it. I guess my vacation could have been longer? “Whocares”, it is people like you that value money that those weddings aren’t for. I would never throw a wedding in a backyard. It’s not a waste because the money would just sit in a bank otherwise, I deserve to enjoy the money I have earned.

This conversation is mute because it doesn’t differentiate for income levels. Bill gates makes 300k per second. He does have a nice backyard I am sure but….
30k isn’t a waste unless you can’t afford it.

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britney November 14, 2013 at 9:51 am

Amen!

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Bevgrey December 10, 2013 at 11:30 am

Moot. Mute means silent, which this conversation isn’t.

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JustPaula March 15, 2014 at 10:12 pm

“It’s not a waste because the money would just sit in a bank otherwise, …”

You know, money that would sit in a bank earning interest for our long future together. Oh, pashaw on that. Our future is not the issue here! Me being a princess for a day is the issue!

Can’t wait to see what you tell the judge when you are asking for alimony…

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JustPaula March 15, 2014 at 10:13 pm

“It’s not a waste because the money would just sit in a bank otherwise, …”

You know, money that would sit in a bank earning interest for our long future together. Oh, pawshaw on that. Our future is not the issue here! Me being a princess for a day is the issue!

Can’t wait to see what you tell the judge when you are asking for alimony…

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Steve November 14, 2013 at 9:50 am

My average wedding envelope had about 1k in it and no $50 toasters. Would have been hilarious to make th

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Steve November 14, 2013 at 9:50 am

Cheap bastards pay for drinks, @&$)

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Kathy November 14, 2013 at 10:16 am

I think people are getting mad that others are assuming people cant afford it or judging the fact that people spent a lot on their weddings or their kids’ weddings, just all around annoyed that the poor or cheap people of the world are in their business.

First let me say I agree that what people spend their money on individually is THEIR business. As the friend or family member of someone who has a wedding for themselves or their child, I am wrong to judge. I don’t…whether its cheap or extravagant as can be, I don’t question them. That’s rude. Stay out of it. Enjoy yourself, and be gracious you’re invited.

I think the thing that causes people to raise their eyebrows isn’t the individual choices but the (supposedly accurate) statistic that $30,000 is the AVERAGE. When looking at an average, you have to assume its an average person with average income. It’s usually a younger couple (avg marrying age is in the 20s) or their parents (avg age 40s to baby boomers) footing the bill.

When I look at an average of $30,000 for, in essence, a one day party (thatmany people on here have made clear is rife with ungrateful people who LOVE to judge your ever wedding decision!) it causes me to wonder if that’s even accurate, and if it’s accurate, if it’s sensible.

Take a look at some other financial stats of “average” Americans:
Average length of retirement 18 years
Average savings of a 50 year old $43,797
Total cost for a couple over 65 to pay for medical treatment over a 20 year span $215,000
Some more 2013 stats:
U.S. household consumer debt profile:
?Average credit card debt: $15,112
?Average mortgage debt: $146,215
?Average student loan debt: $31,240

I know not every faction of the population – not everyone – has student loan debt, or credit card debt, etc…

but at the same time, the fact that in this country people are getting married and throwing, on average, a $30,000 one day party, give that in general, americans have financial obligations as shown here, it isn’t judgmental or unreasonable for people to look at the $30K figure for weddings and be a little skeptical of the judgment in general terms, of people choosing to have weddings.

If you’re far above average, enough so as some have mentioned here, that a $30K or more wedding isn’t a problem, great, but don’t get anrgey or frustrated that people think that figure is exorbitant. for the American population as a whole, we generally cant afford to be having $30K parties when we’ve got mortgages and retirement and credit debt and student loan debt in the state these are all currently in.

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britney November 14, 2013 at 10:37 am

I agreed with you until you said people have the right to judge no one has the right to judge and it is wrong. People should not judge what other people spend period. No one ever balks at how much it cost to have a child which is around 100,000 dollars and more and even just having the baby cost about 5000 please. If someone wants to spend 30000 let them!

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Kathy November 14, 2013 at 10:46 am

I know if someone wants to spend the money they should do it…it’s just surprising that $30K is an average in light of everything else.

And I am sorry you misread, I said, “As the friend or family member of someone who has a wedding for themselves or their child, I am wrong to judge. I don’t…whether its cheap or extravagant as can be, I don’t question them. That’s rude. Stay out of it. Enjoy yourself, and be gracious you’re invited.”

I said I am wrong to judge and that I don’t. I don’t think your own friends and family should spend any time thinking about your own financial choices as to an even tey have invited you to. So, we’re on the same page.

And you are right, that’s why I say don’t judge individuals…somebody will have 5 children and be of modest income. it is true that children are an “extravagance” if we looked at them purely from monetary terms, but everyone knows that their cost is outweighed to many by other things.

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britney November 14, 2013 at 10:53 am

Yes I understand you said you don’t judge however you basically made the stament that judging is ok when the price is high enough to balk at. Either way it is rude no one should judge.

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Jules January 19, 2014 at 8:32 pm

That’s absolutely not true; many people balk at spending $100,000 for the experience of having a child.

I agree with the OP that we should not open our mouths to criticize our friends for spending 30K on their weddings, however that doesn’t mean we’re not allowed to think that’s a ludicrous amount of money to spend on a wedding.

Most people do NOT have 30K to spend on a wedding. If you do and you want to, then great. If you have the money and you don’t want to spend it, then don’t. Either way, relative to the average couple it’s a big chunk of money.

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Kathy November 14, 2013 at 11:04 am

No, I didn’t.

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Wow Kathy November 14, 2013 at 12:03 pm

Kathy,

Thank you for being reasonable. The problem is people judging your expense. I would think that having negative thoughts and questioning judgment of someone who can’t afford what you can is just bitterness. I don’t think, I actually know, that someone spending a 100k isn’t looking at a less expensive wedding as being less, but apparently someone spending less thinks negative about us. I have been to weddings and the only thing I usually notice is if they skip a tradition. Not one that costs money but a parent dance when the parent is alive. I have had
Money and been poor and I never thought about the other group on either side of the equation. Bitterness is worthless and watching someone else’s life does nothing for you.

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Jillian November 16, 2013 at 7:46 pm

That people have such disposable income to throw on a party in itself is disgusting. It’s the world we live in, we won’t change inequality, the rich/poor gap is always there, etc etc. Insert other self entitlement rational if desired. It should still be pointed out from time to time.

Yes. Expensive weddings are ridiculous and unnecessary. Yes. People will always defend their right to overindulge themselves. Yes. Some people have large amounts of income to spend while others have large amounts of credit and debt to throw on these parties. Yes. It isn’t going to change any time soon. Hello, ugly reality. Nobody likes to hear it, but it doesn’t make it any less true.

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JJ November 18, 2013 at 6:15 am

It may be disgusting to you, but people with money see nothing wrong with it.. And to those in impoverished countries, your lifestyle would seem equally wasteful.

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Jillian November 19, 2013 at 9:31 am

Why would wealthy people see anything wrong it? Of course they don’t.

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her every cent counts December 27, 2013 at 11:57 pm

It might be ridiculous, but that $30k – $100k spent on a wedding does go to paying other people and providing jobs. It’s not like the money disappears in thin air. Lower wage workers get paid out of this money.

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Sachabee December 30, 2013 at 4:10 pm

Yes, I was just about to say this. Some people on here are saying that the money would be better if saved in the bank, but that is actually what fuels the rich/poor divide (people earning huge salaries and saving it forever so it never goes back into the economy). Those who can afford to spend 30k on a wedding SHOULD, rather than save it, as long as it does not create hardship for them. Obviously these are not the only two choices (you could spend the money on a house, or car, or vacation, or charity) but “saving it” is NOT the better alternative 100% of the time. My sisters and I all want small weddings but my father has explicitly said that he is happy to pay for them because it is an outlay that will provide memories and experiences… Not to mention opportunities for small businesses like florist, baker, band, etc.

Jillian November 17, 2013 at 11:00 am

I am sorry Jillian that you were unable to achieve in life to the level of being able to afford a nice wedding. Your jealous is disgusting and sad that you think the way you do. If people were not rewarded for their achievements in life, then you probably wouldn’t have computers or a blog available for you to whine about inequity on.

Go earn something for yourself.

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Jillian November 19, 2013 at 9:33 am

The perfect pampered delusional response. I expected no less.

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Ann November 19, 2013 at 10:04 am

Did it occur to you that some people here that are in the “that’s excessive for a wedding” might be wealthy? I make great money in a law firm with a lot of people who are very very well off and some of them, including a managing partner for whom it is his and his wife’s first wedding, just elope because they’re not interested in spending a lot on a wedding. It’s ok for some people to be of the opinion that a wedding is totally worth the cost and maybe you’re in a situation where you can totally afford it. Great, but don’t assume people are jealous and without just because they have a different perspective on it. Likewise, many people who feel that way about weddings who couldn’t afford a big one anyway are ALSO not jealous…because they truly aren’t interested in having one.

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britney November 19, 2013 at 10:36 am

Ok so that still does not give them the right to be judgemental or a bitch. Or write a whole article judging their so called friend. People who do have weddings are helping the economy and sometimes small businesses. If I buy flowers from a small flower shop I would hope I’m helping feed someones family what is greedy by doing that?! It is sickening to judge someone, and it is wrong. I’m sure no one wants to be judge.

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trixie November 22, 2013 at 2:44 pm

Ok, stop! I can’t listen to you anymore. First off, I can’t believe your language is allowed but you should know it immediately makes people dismiss your whole argument. If I may JUDGE you, It would seem you have an education tilted toward the lower end. I know you will probably go off and curse up a storm because you think that’s what adults do. They don’t.

How old are you? Your lack of understanding the acute financial mess that many Americans have faced because of debt, student loans, housing etc. so soon after the big ripple is just astounding. $$$$$$$ don’t make a wedding. No one cares!

When I am stuffing my envelope full of $$ the couple who seem most financially prudent get the most hundreds. The over the top wedding by a couple you know have school loans, a new house etc get the minimum. Obviously they aren’t very prudent with finance and my money will just go in the toilet.

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britney November 22, 2013 at 3:39 pm

Obviously you are the one with educational problems because apparantly you cannot read or comprehened anything written. The point is people who can afford a “costly” wedding withourt going to debt and can still afford to have nice cars(also debt free or with very high down payments) and a decent sized sized down payment on a mortgage should be able to spend the kind of money they want for a wedding. No one said anything about anyone going into debt for a wedding or that they should even have a weddiing if they have a lot of debt. Not everyone had debt lady! It is called being smart. My grandfather payed cash for everything! I have no debt besides school loans and it isn’t nearly as high as most as most of myy school was payed by the state! I payed cash for my car.

britney November 22, 2013 at 3:41 pm

And if using one curse word in a whole post makes you judge me you have problems lady. I hope you don’t believe in god or go to church with that sense of thinking. As in the bible jesus says not to judge others.

britney November 22, 2013 at 3:47 pm

And also who cares what you give to a couple. I don’t know you, that is the problem with both people who throw weddings and come to weddings they think the presents matter! At my wedding I’m not doing presents it makes people to judgemental!

Nicole December 3, 2013 at 9:45 am

Trixie,
Thanks so much. I totally agree with your response to “britney!” For all of her comments about how people should not be judgmental, she is the most judgmental, crass person commenting here. Every one of her comments rudely puts down the person she is responding to.

And to britney: You should go back and re-read your comments and notice all your condemnatory and negative remarks. Are you not aware of the hypocrisy?

innerjuju January 9, 2014 at 1:29 pm

Britney, how OLD are you? In this entire thread, you are the only one who has lowered themselves to name-calling. This is an opinion-based article. Of COURSE, there are going to be opinions expressed. Just because others don’t represent yours is no reason to resort to childish name-calling. You stress not judging others for their decision to have an extravagant wedding but sure are quick to jump.

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Different circles November 17, 2013 at 6:46 pm

I’m always amused by people’s comments that give insight into the circles in which they belong in this world. One person may think that someone buying a new BMW is being extravagant, while another may look at a BMW as no more than a basic car. It’s all about what circles you travel in.
I grew up in a middle class family in the mid-west but did well in college, got a good job, moved up quickly and ended up in New York. I met a girl from a wealthy family and we had a wedding that cost just shy of $200,000. We paid for everyone’s hotel rooms, had golf for all the men the day before and the women had a day of beauty at a spa and we paid for it all. I say “we” but really it was my wife’s mother who paid for it all and to her it was a drop in the bucket.
We also have friends who made us look like paupers though. One friend’s family spent well over $500,000 on her wedding and again it was no bid deal and there was never a care about it.
So as I said it’s always telling to hear someone comment about other’s lifestyles because you can pretty quickly learn what circles the person doing the talking is in. And for those that get sick and disgusted because people “throw away” their money, I find it so funny. The way money gets distributed is that wealthier people spend money on things and it goes to others like small business owners and their employees (caterers and photographers and florists and hotel workers and golf course caddies). So since you are so disgusted by people with money spending it, maybe we should all just save our money in the bank and not spend it on weddings, or on restaurants, or taxis – no, we should just hoard it and make sure that no one else gets it. That would really be good for the economy wouldn’t it? But I guess it would give you even more to feel sorry for yourself about. Instead of being disgusted, why don’t you get out there and work harder than anyone around you and build your wealth and then if you want you can give a lot of it away to help others and actually do some good in the world.

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britney November 17, 2013 at 7:20 pm

Amen

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Jillian November 19, 2013 at 9:35 am

You assume anyone judging the wealth status quo is poor, jealous, or lazy. You assume wrong.

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Jillian? November 19, 2013 at 9:56 am

Jillian,

By your ignorant theory of life, anyone with your opinions would have to be poor because you would have given your money to others to reach the equality you desire! Are you a hypocrit?!?!

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Jillian November 19, 2013 at 11:14 am

I don’t understand your rationale.

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Kevin November 19, 2013 at 3:55 pm

I will never understand women, who let’s face it, are the drivers of this sort of behavior. The bridezilla stuff and demanding a top shelf wedding when you can’t afford it just comes off as spoiled, self centered and reckless. If you’re a millionaire and don’t give two shits about $30,000 then I’d say go ahead. But for someone of average means, there are probably 30,000 things on my list of stuff I’d rather do with $30,000. It blows my mind that people who don’t light cigars with $100 bills would rather spend that kind of money on a one day party than on say, starting a business, buying a home or even getting a new car (which ordinarily I think is a piss poor use of money.) As far as I’m concerned the only requirements for a good wedding are music, good food and an open bar. I get the desire to create a special day you’ll remember, but in my experience the days I look back on the most fondly aren’t the manufactured ones where I set out to have a “special day.” Instead they are just everyday moments of happiness like lying in a field watching the clouds with my girlfriend. And even if your wedding is a great memory, it’s probably because of the fun you had with family and friends, not high end invitations or beautiful place settings.

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britney November 19, 2013 at 4:12 pm

You don’t have to be a millionaire to spend 30000 dollars. Also do you even understand how wedding work? A open bar will cost you generally 5000 maybe 4000 with cheap liquor. Good food unless bbq is going to also cost you unless you are friends with a wedding planner wedding food notoriously sucks even people who pay 100 a plate can sometimes have sucky food but the average person pays 40-50 a plate. Then you have venu because maybe you don’t want a damn backyard wedding or even have the space. Also I’m tired of that myth that it is cheaper. I’ve seen backyard weddings that still cost a lot. A bar bones wedding with good food, music, and food would at least cost 15000, you haven’t counted the guest or the rehearshal dinner, or paying the person who marries you, or the tux, makeup and hair, the bridesmaid and groom gifts. Weddings cost a lot but it is the one day you get to celebrate your new beggining with someone with family why do people put a price tag on it? If you don’t want to spend anything fine, but don’t judge or look down upon the people who do.

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britney November 19, 2013 at 4:14 pm

Sorry for the mistakes I’m on my phone can’t see or go back well. I mean to say open bar instead of food twice.

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CLE January 14, 2014 at 11:16 am

In my family, an open bar would cost $30,000 alone :-P

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Jj November 20, 2013 at 5:26 am

It is all about being responsible… A couple shouldn’t drive their parents deep in debt for their celebration, nor put themselves in a financial hole that will take years to climb out of.

However, if you have the cash, the parents could easily pay $30k if they are middle class with some savings. And a young couple shouldn’t go more than they can handle, seeing as how they may have student loans, car loans, cc bills and may want to save for a house…. Their decision has to be put in perspective.

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britney November 20, 2013 at 7:28 am

What world do you live in where young people are getting married and the parents pay? Most people now days get married in their late twenties early thirties. A lot of the time they already have a place together or whatever. Long gone are the days of youngg marriages with parents paying for everything including usually the down payment of their first home.

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JJ December 17, 2013 at 9:15 am

My world has the parents paying for the bulk of the weddings.. The parents have better jobs, a lot more wealth and they have been planning for these weddings. The bride and groom do what they can.

This is middle class America where parents still take a lot of the financial burden for their kids in their 20s.

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Sachabee December 30, 2013 at 4:26 pm

A lot of people I know have parents who pay because the kids DON’T want to spend a lot of money, and the parents have more money to spend. If my father hadn’t offered to pay (for a small, reasonable wedding he can afford), I wouldn’t be having a wedding. I’d be eloping. But my parents WANT to have a wedding. It’s important to them. And adults get to spend their money, which they have earned, on the things that are important to them.

Jj November 20, 2013 at 5:35 am

Better article onwedding costs. In summary:

Are you ready? In 2012, when the average wedding cost was $27,427, the median was $18,086. In 2011, when the average was $27,021, the median was $16,886.

The median is the amount spent by the couple that’s right smack in the middle of all couples in terms of its spending. Half spend more than the median, half spend less than the median.

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/weddings/2013/06/average_wedding_cost_published_numbers_on_the_price_of_a_wedding_are_totally.2.html

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Trixie... November 22, 2013 at 3:07 pm

Trixie,

The way you correlate choices and makes assumptions makes it quite obvious that you suffer from the same lack of education and apparently finances that you wrote about in your message.

Your conclusions on finances and your global application of suffering is narrow minded. Responsible adults made it through fine and some of us went on to have a beautiful event with no issues.

Being a responsible adult starts before bad fiscal times and not after and having a wonderful wedding in spite of student debt and so on is no problem if you have half a brain.

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Davey Jones Locker December 3, 2013 at 7:51 am

$200 for a wedding and a perfect cake? What did you get, a donut from DD? If i went to a wedding where the hosts spent $200, I would give a $10 gift card to Amazon. I would be happy that you are happy with your picnic though.

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Beverly December 4, 2013 at 8:10 am

Good Mornring Davey
The best part of being who we are is that anyone can have type of wedding day they want to have. This $ 200.00 wedding day my have been the best day of their lives. Some people just don’t need a lot to make them happy. I know people who had a very small wedding because of they just did not have the money at that time, years later they had another wedding of their dreams. Our life is way to short to worry about what others think about you. What matters most is that we find happness as long as we are here. Because in the end the only thing that is going to be on your mind is you.

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Sachabee December 30, 2013 at 4:28 pm

I wouldn’t judge a $200 wedding. I do judge extravagant “redo” weddings. Well, I judge when people do the whole thing and expect gifts and have a registry. A fun vow renewal party is their choice.

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Eagander December 3, 2013 at 11:14 am

To each their own, it’s their money afterall, but IMHO it’s absolutely STUPID to spend that much money on a few hours ceremony! If I’m going to spend that kind of money, I’d rather have one incredible honeymoon instead!!

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Beverly December 4, 2013 at 8:13 am

Good Mornring Eagander
the same thing apply to you as well
The best part of being who we are is that anyone can have type of wedding day they want to have. This $ 200.00 wedding day my have been the best day of their lives. Some people just don’t need a lot to make them happy. I know people who had a very small wedding because of they just did not have the money at that time, years later they had another wedding of their dreams. Our life is way to short to worry about what others think about you. What matters most is that we find happness as long as we are here. Because in the end the only thing that is going to be on your mind is you.

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Toni December 3, 2013 at 9:44 pm

Where are the police to this website? I’m appalled that someone can get on here and attack people with such vicious, rude, disrespectful, offensive, and outrageous comments. Then, if that were not enough, to add insult to injury, they can’t even spell and their sentences, or should I say rants, don’t even make sense. I’m just going to put this out there, but well educated people don’t depend on tech devices to do their writing for them. And, did I even see the person later disguising themselves as the very persons they were attacking?

If you truly believe in FREE speech, there would be no need to attack someone for sharing their opinions. We can all agree to disagree. I’m pretty sure we can all agree WHO on this forum needs to be censored, and their comments removed. Person, and you definitely know who you are – take a really big chill pill. I mean, Seriously!!! To all the rest of us civilized people who don’t need to prove anything to a person who has absolutely no class and is also not too bright – keep calm and carry on. Now, let’s see how long it takes for the attacks on me to begin…….

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innerjuju January 9, 2014 at 1:36 pm

lol You are so right.

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toni December 3, 2013 at 9:54 pm

Yet Tony you decide to be condescending and patronizing good job on not attacking people just because you don’t use name doesn’t mean you get to slide by and pretend like you didn’t somebody.you should take your own advice. And maybe the person wrote this article should have thought about maybe being a good friend and not blasting their friend out to the world this site is it going to have nice comments because this whole article doesn’t promote anything good or anything nice. This article promotes hate.

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toni December 3, 2013 at 9:56 pm

And stop lying and telling yourself you have class you don’t. Also since you’re so smart maybe you should realize that your comment was exactly the same thing that you tried to condemn me for.

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Nick December 4, 2013 at 11:27 am

30k is nothing. I am doing a destination wedding for about 50 guests and I am out 60k+ If I was to marry where I live, the guest list would balloon and so would the price.

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Beverly December 4, 2013 at 1:27 pm

Hey Nick send pictures

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Toni December 5, 2013 at 9:35 pm

Wow, Nick! Your wedding plans sound exciting! Good luck with the planning and have a fabulous time! It’s all worth it if you get what you always dreamed of. I’m not sure if that is more true of you or your future wife. Chances are, she is going to be getting her fairy tale wedding. You get to have the fairy tale honeymoon. Win-win for both of you! Wishing you all the best and a happy successful marriage.

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Beth December 7, 2013 at 12:22 pm

Nick is absolutely right. My husband and I had a destination wedding that cost around $30k with 48 guests (50 including ourselves). We live in a high cost of living area, so had we hosted the wedding where we live it would have been at least the same cost, if not more (considering we would have probably had a bigger guest list).

I agree with those that say it’s all about the circles we run in. Different strokes for different folks. What I can’t understand is people who say some version of “To each their own, but PERSONALLY I think it is ridiculous.” That is akin to “No offense, but…”

People work hard for their own money, however much it is. If they’re really lucky, they inherit it. Everyone is welcome to spend it how they choose.

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Debbie December 4, 2013 at 11:48 am

People, there is a difference between a wedding and a reception. You can become married without either. My husband and I, both in our mid 40′s, said our personally-written vows in front of a friend who officiated in the living room of the new house we worked so hard to buy together, with just my grown daughter present. It was the most meaningful day of my life (except for my daughter’s birth). It beat my earlier marriage when I was 22 (with wedding and fancy reception and formal invitations and long satin dress and bridal bouquet etc. etc. etc.) by a long, long way. We celebrated by inviting family over for an open-house and surprised them with the news. Our one splurge: I spent $45 dollars on a professionally made cake (not decorated like a wedding cake) that was incredibly good. Everybody came back for more. We had a truly happy day and made many wonderful memories and have not a single regret. We didn’t want to spend thousands for a fancy party or fancy clothes. We aren’t showy people and had no desire to parade ourselves at what seemed to us a very private moment in our livs. But that’s us; I think it’s fine for others to want to share their big day with everyone they know, and hey, it’s a day worth getting fancy for (we did dress up nice just didn’t go buy all new stuff). Earlier the same year we attended my husband’s sister’s wedding, a full-blown formal affair, with a huge and gorgeous reception after–certainly must’ve cost his parents a fortune. She looked like she’d just stepped out of Bride magazine. And we had a great time, but man, just travelling to and from cost us more than we had to spare and we felt the financial pinch for months after. Ah well; I don’t regret that trip either. At her age I wanted to pull out all the stops. Now I just want to be with the man I love and declare my intention to grow old with him.

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Cheap Cheap December 4, 2013 at 12:26 pm

Dear Davey,
I’m the one who had the infamous $350 wedding on here,40 years ago. It was 35 years ago when I first came here.Who knew? Not everyone has money, wealthy parents,years of patience, living together was not the norm in 1970 by people from good homes who respected their parents, Amazon was a river that could not be bought yet,gas cost less than $1. Calculators were made by Honeywell and cost $39.99.All things are relative. I know this because I saved up for one in 1977 to give my husband on his birthday-the kind that cost .99 at the check stand.
Note:We requested no gifts. We moved from Wisconsin to L.A. the day after the wedding and gifts put a serious cramp in the amount of room we had in the car.He was already at U.S.C. getting his second Masters degree. The following year,he earned his 3rd. Some one here called him a loser-cheap wedding,AH-Marc. He accused me of lacking reading comprehension skills-then referenced my $1500 wedding (not me Marc. Strictly $350.) He went on to say how I’d been shamed by my low cost wedding and were my in-laws speaking to me or had they accepted my children.
1) I was a beautiful proud bride. In-laws never made it to the wedding. My father-in-law was in Iraq,head of the U.N. weather bureau. He had a contract. My fiancé got to meet Saddam Hussein before he came to ultimate power. He was a scary guy even in 1972.I have it from eye witnesses and more. My father-in-law was a man of few words. My in-laws had to sign a permission slip allowing their son to marry me,just as my mother had to sign one for me. It’s a part of my religion. So they were not disgruntled. When they met me,they were delighted. I was in no way shamed. You obviously have watched far too many Hindi movies. The reality of India is not on the screen.Even the million dollar wedding I attended this summer in San Francisco, was nothing like the choreographed movies. No one has the time or the energy. Air fare and hotel eats up most of the money with guests flying in from Scotland and Australia,London,Kolkata,Delhi,Chennai, Brazil,and Chicago and New York.400 guests ,some staying at 5 downtown SF hotels,family members staying with the family ,catering for the majority of 10 days. We lived 60-80 miles from their house and downtown SF and still spent $1700+ on hotel and parking just for wedding costs from Wednesday through Sunday. Thank goodness I have 500 + saris so I didn’t have to buy much.But for the average wedding,Wednesday was family only, Thursday was an outdoor catered Tandoori chicken,naan, ras malai, kofta, kabab, etc. and mehndi decorating event.Each event requires differ saris,latest style,latest colors,and different jewelry.Friday,the family all moved to a Chinese restaurant with a 20 course dinner. Saturday and Sunday was a continuous orgy of eating. Yup. When appetizers before the reception are lamb lollipops ,kebabs, dim sum, stuffed mushrooms, jumbo shrimp kebabs, (one of each was enough for dinner) and endless trays of champagne. Was I shamed by my cheap worthless husband? No…. not so much. True,he is our wealthiest cousin. He has a nice house in Blackhawk.But he got the idea to move there after he saw our house. So-no,not too ashamed. I’m managing. We rarely introduce ourselves as “,
Hi. We’re Mr. and Mrs. X & Y.We had a $350 wedding but we’re doing better now. Are you happy now? Probably not. Bad news-I have great taste.Where ever I live it always looks nice,even if it’s a 1 bedroom hovel. I can decorate and make use of ethnic artifacts.I can always find something that makes me happy. Take your expensive weddings. We’re spending our anniversary in Austria and Hungary and yes-I know where the very best cheap hotels are with 16 course free breakfasts. And we’re flying business class-for free,as usual. So it won’t cost more than $12,000 incl souvenirs.It’s our 5th honeymoon. Fun shall be had by all.

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Beverly December 4, 2013 at 1:50 pm

Good Afternoon, Cheap-Cheap
It’s good to read your post again. I think you can call yourself another name now, by no means are you and your family are cheap. You are living the amercan dream that we all are trying to get to. It’s not the wedding that makes the home, it the family. And I would love to meet yours. Most PPL don’t know who they are because of the media, the media tells them to do this–to do that–and you will be happy. Shame. I try to live the same way you do. And I find myself much happier then when I was married to man who gave me all I wanted. {I got so tried living up to jones} I am no longer married and I have a lot less but happy, I tell you happy.

If I get married again, my wedding will be on a beach with just him and I.

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Sachabee December 30, 2013 at 6:34 pm

I respect your choices and your life sounds great, but you are soooooo judgemental and self-obsessed that it’s hard to respect YOU.

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Marc December 4, 2013 at 12:48 pm

CheapCheap,

Reading comprehension is still an issue for you but
Ohwell.

If your husband has multiple degrees and comes from a family of the highest caste in Indian with people “literally” dripping in gold; then you and I both know the cultural value and statement of weddings in India, then we both also know the meaning of your “350″ wedding.

You can spend 12k on a trip but 30k for a wedding for all of your friends and family is wrong? We need a new picture for hypocrit in the dictionary. You brag and condemn at the same time, funny as hell!
Just think how many good things you could do for people taking a stay-cation and donating the savings! All of that is sarcasm, enjoy the trip. That area of the world hasn’t made the bucket list yet for me but sounds fun except for cheap hotels.

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Marc December 4, 2013 at 12:49 pm

Oh and cheapcheap, don’t need Hindi movies to see an Indian wedding, I attend about 2-3 family members weddings per year.

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Toni December 5, 2013 at 9:13 pm

Yes, just as I thought! LOL It didn’t take long for the rude one to come back and sling mud. You are truly hilarious! Who gets on a site and comments on almost everyone’s comments with negativity? Then, responds in that person’s name to cover up who they really are? (even though we all know exactly who you are!) You have maliciously responded to Trixie, Nicole, and me, Toni for calling you out on all your mess – using our own names, of course! Do you really think that people don’t know who you are? It shows just how insecure and stupid you really are! A ‘real woman’ or man for that matter, does not need to hide behind any masks. They own what they put out there, and take their criticism in stride. They are called mentally stable people! It’s a category you obviously don’t belong in.

FYI: The response comment attacking Nicole (in her own name nonetheless) has been removed because you called her a disrespectful name that rhymes with witch. So, let the record show that one of your comments has been removed from this site. Thank you, website staff for removing this rude, offensive, and unacceptable comment. It is not appropriate and has no place here. I’m sure the next step would be to ban this person from the site if warranted.

And, by the way, turning my comment back around on me in your defense does not make it true. You have lots to learn in this life.

Now, about the hypocrisy issue that you accused me of……You provided us all with a phenomenal example! You use profanity in some posts, then say “Amen” in others! WOW! A person who truly loves and knows God would not dare do this! Shame on you for using the highest form of hypocrisy!

And, let’s get back to your writing, shall we? You seem to like calling people uneducated and accuse them of having “no class”. But, it is SOOOO obvious that you fit that description perfectly! Both, your grammar and sentence structure is incorrect and quite laughable. People have to fill in words that are missing and correct sentences in their head when reading your comments. And, do you even know how to use spell check? Then, in shame, after you read your own stupid comments, you apologize for your mistakes by hiding behind your phone. Yes, insecure people always want to blame someone or something for their shortcomings. Well, if you had an education beyond the high school level, you would not need to rely on your phone to give you the words you seek to communicate. And, that might very well be part of your problem. Maybe you should put your phone down for a while. On the contrary, I did not use anything except what came to my mind at the time I wrote my posts. And, I don’t have any grammar or spelling deficits. You see, I am well educated. Even now, I feel like I’m wasting my time on someone like you, but feel the need to slap you in the face with the truth because you need to be taught a lesson about website etiquette. You are waaaay out of line!

On top of all that madness, you finished with this sentence: This article promotes hate. How ironic! You’re the one on this site dishing out all the hate! Attacking people for having their own opinions is a form of hate. You are definitely hating on people.

Grammar 101: Let’s take a look at your very own words…….

“And maybe the person wrote this article should have thought about maybe being a good friend and not blasting their friend out to the world this site is it going to have nice comments because this whole article doesn’t promote anything good or anything nice.” Do you NOT see all the grammatical mistakes in your own sentence? Because the rest of us sure can! Read this out loud to yourself. Does it sound right to you? Does it make sense to you? I thought not! And, this is the pattern in all of your comments. So, before you start attacking people who are just exercising their first amendment rights by giving their opinions, you might want to stop and take a long hard look in the mirror – and simply shut up! Or better yet, shock the heck out of all of us and respond with a nice comment. The hypocritical “Amen” doesn’t count!

Everyone, I am Toni with a capital ‘T’. The person hiding behind the mask and pretending to be me is toni with a lowercase ‘t’. Although, that person may now answer back using my name verbatim. But, I know that everyone else on this site is smart and will know exactly which one is the bad person. So, don’t be ashamed of who you are, person. Use your REAL name!!! Because someone might just go ahead and name you in a future post. I certainly know who you are! I’m just beating you at your own game.

We’re all waiting……..

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britney December 6, 2013 at 4:58 am

I was not trying to be you by using your name I was addressing you to let you know who I was speaking to other people have responded to people by using the other person’s name as well when not directly replying to them I could not find your comment and didn’t want to look through my phone trying to find it. You must be pretty narcissistic to think that somebody is insecure and wants to be you or even used your name trying to be malicious. And go ahead use my name and make a comment I don’t care, you want to do that that’s your prerogative. Also your comment about my grammar is laughable, mostly because I myself have said that there are many grammar mistakes of my comment due to the fact I’m using my phone and not my computer. however I know you’re wrong about all my comments having grammar mistakes, as a few of them were made of my computer and therefore have no mistakes. I could probably point out every single grammar mistake that I made in my comment I’m not stupid I just can’t type correctly on my phone, I also got a new phone that doesn’t have a keyboard and now I have to use text speech to respond and it does not come out right. So yes I am aware that my response to you really made no sense. what you were intelligent enough to figure it out just like you intelligent enough to realize who I was responding to and who I was. also I’m not trying to be nice I don’t want to be nice, article about Martin Luther King Jr who promoted love and peace and harmony and now I’m just being a b****ruining his message this is an article written by a woman who says she isn’t judging her friends yet essentially ends up judging them. Would you want your friend to write a mean article about you? I also doubt that God is going to send me to hell because I wrote some comment on blog. You have a right to write something mean towards me that is perfectly fine however don’t act is if you are better than me you are since you are being just as mean as I am. At least I’m being a b****.

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britney December 6, 2013 at 4:59 am

*I meant to say at least I admit to being a b****

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Toni February 1, 2014 at 7:04 am

Yes, you certainly are – in every sense of the word! I’m glad you see it. Half the battle is admitting that you have a problem. The other half is getting help and changing for the better. Britney, please do us all a favor and just go away! PLEASE!!! Your negativity on this website is overwhelming and completely unwarranted. I have defended everyone’s right to their opinions without being attacked by an obviously delusional and mentally impaired person who thinks that only her opinions are correct and that everyone else’s opinions are not to be shared. So, my job here is done. Thus, I will not waste any more of my precious time on someone who is not worth half a penny. Enough said! I’m done!

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britney December 6, 2013 at 5:09 am

Also we are not at a tea at a Country Club this is the Internet I don’t have to have proper etiquette. And since when is stating facts hiding behind something, have no reason to lie I really am using my phone, I have no reason to lie about it I’m just explaining why my comments have grammar errors.

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Toni January 31, 2014 at 7:26 pm

You had the audacity to bring up Martin Luther King Jr. – in a negative way, no less! It’s absolutely appalling! There is no limit to your evil on this webpage. Everyone, let’s all read this together…..

…..”also I’m not trying to be nice I don’t want to be nice, article about Martin Luther King Jr who promoted love and peace and harmony and now I’m just being a b****ruining his message this is an article written by a woman who says she isn’t judging her friends yet essentially ends up judging them.”

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Cheap Cheap December 6, 2013 at 4:39 pm

Tell me you are not real people who married other real people and have actual jobs. I’d be surprised if you can say ,” you want fries with that?”, without dropping your hair in the oil. You justify every -well now-we can’t call them “faux pas” because that would be elevating your crap into actual speech. “Shall we have alcohol or not at this hallowed occasion?” Weddings are contracts,they are parties,they are joyous,they are held under duress with the bride shedding actual tears because she doesn’t know it yet but can sense that that smelly 60 year old man just bought her from her parents and will be raping her to death later in the evening. Weddings are many things. I showed up here when I’d been married 35 years. Next June will be our 40th anniversary. No one knows what marriage is quite as much as I do. I was strong, healthy,beautiful,and idealistic 35 years ago. My husband was intelligent,handsome, very hardworking, energetic. We are immigrants from India and Austria multilingual, multitalented,musical,Yahta yahta yahta. His english is better than yours.He doesn’t have the typical Indian accent.He has a British one. In all these years,I’ve loved him.There have been good times,rarely,and bad times,frequently. I don’t know if G-d has some special stupid plan or someone cast an evil eye on us. The week after our wedding,we arrived to find his boss at the lab had cut his salary in half-and a nice silver bowl as a wedding present. Three weeks later his parents arrived and settled in for a 5 month visit. We managed. He fined his 3rd Masters and we moved back to UWM.No funding for student jobs.We repacked and moved in with my mother.I got my old job back,he found a job and commuted.When we both shifted and settled in,it was a good tim.Great reviews. Great work bought a used car to replace the one we started with pliers.1 week later-I was pregnant. And now that we had a lease and joy-Lay-off. Baby born in Wisconsin,lived in Penn State, and had 1st birthday in Portland ,Oregon.See the world.Bring your furniture with you.Oregon-I went back to school,in-laws dropped in for 6 months-good, and I became permanently ill.-bad. We moved to Seattle ,owned 3 houses,had 2 more children 2 more life destroying diseases, 2 miscarriages, spent a lot of time together, a fortune on Doctors, never recovered,worked at husband’s company for 6 years.Remodeled offices and remodeled house at the same time as newborn.All this sets you up for the disaster to come in ’96.We move to California! Hurray-not.Baby boy leaving for Pomona college.Husband leaves (see me waving?) while I try to sell beloved newly remodeled home. Ok-son in Cali. We’re in Cali-right? I stay till graduation.Then move.In August,the company,”downsizes.” Just wait a fricken’ minute. I’ve had enough. No.We wait.Our house sold.The week before he got a new job in Washington. That was fatal.So we were stuck here ever since.We’ve been through more lay-offs, etc.My husband was,by this time ,the CEO,CTO, and jobs at that level weren’t as easy to get. He was have to scare up funding for patents that he had invited.We all know how sympathetic the government is to healthcare.I know your fingers are just itching to rip into me now but please don’t bother. Our last big gamble,when my husband had been commuting for 4 years back and forth every week between states with Japanese backing,I remember him telling me that the company was going public in 6 weeks and he could finally come home. The next week he was interviewing a new person for a crucial position .I got a call,very early in the morning from one of my husband’s employees. He said my husband” was alright” and I shouldn’t worry. It was 5 am. He was on the last plane allowed to land at La Guardia.It was 9/11. Needless to say,this was a bad day for us personally,even without death,it brought a great deal of destruction. My husband came back but it was because the company crumbled after that. 2001-2008 lumbered on with consulting and promises and a bad economy,the death of his mother and mine, our daughter going from a D student to a very proud A student and Master of Science in Psychology. She just bought her first house and her SO is getting paid to do his Phd. in Microbiology.(We’re not proud at all.) Our son is the co-founder and CEO of a hi-tech start-up. We hope to see both of them marry soon for the right reasons.I doubt the wedding ceremony or flowers will matter much. Our son seems to win a lot of awards for his company on Geekwire and business journals. You can recognize him because,like Superman,he always wears his company t-shirt and logo.It’s red with a white heart.I envision him going to a closet filled with 20 of them. We’d hoped to help our kids.We wanted to give them more than love and good wishes,but by 2008,we missed a mortgage payment,lost money to 3 crooked lawyers, were told it was a lost cause by one and all. We went to court together for 2 years. Every month,we wrote to the bank,filling out long forms justifying our existence. We lived on $100 a month for food. We did without our pills even though by now,I could only stand up for 4 minutes at a time and he had had a stroke and angioplasty. This last 16 years has mostly been hell. And still,we are together. Why? Because we love each other. Every marriage needs that glue and the cost is nothing.Our wedding cost $350. It’s what we could afford. I suppose I would budget $5000 now. But really,it’s one day,not the rest of your life. You’r not Princess Di,with the wedding being televised globally.You only THINK you’re that important. So our house went into foreclosure, we went month by month living with stress and anxiety. We had also hired a bankruptcy specialist and paid him fully so that was on our side. My husband finally did get a job in 2012.The stupid company interviewed him for 7 months before hiring him and then delayed putting him on the payroll till the next quarter. I knew that was a dumbass move. He worked for 2 months for them for free,because he’s honest-and they aren’t. But who has choices? We started making payments again. We really aren’t in foreclosure.We
make payments according to a formula and they take them and don’t complain.
We filed for bankruptcy,another technique to stall all those creditors who changed the % rate from 6% to 26.9% because you were 5 minutes late making a payment by phone.I don’t feel bad. They cheated Americans all at once by lowering credit limits
(after raising it every 6 months without asking you.) Then they lowered your limit to whatever you owed THE DAY they issued the letter. Of course,interest and purchases accrued,putting you over the limit,in default,and meaning you now had ,not a 6% ,but their new 26.9%. I don’t feel bad defaulting on crooks.If you had a budget-that shot it to hell,where your creditors lived. So here we are.We have 2 settled children,a lifetime of trying to enjoy what we were given,I child who headed for the hills when our house flooded after foreclosure in 2009 (she said we were just too poor) and 8 days after she turned 18. We still have 3 boxes to unpack.We took the cash.It’s 5 years later.It’s Christmas.Today’s Nicholo,the 6th of Dec. And what do I get? St. Nicholas who gives you presents? Or Krampus,who has horns,a tail, hooves,and thrashes the children with brooms? You’ve got it.
My dear husband came home yesterday and said the company is “downsizing.”
Well-there goes that 40th anniversary we were planning. So- can you beat my story? Or do you still think it’s worth arguing about cash bar,silk flowers vs. fresh,pets? children? How on earth can I take any interest in your South Park lives after having actually survived 40 years in the 9th circle of hell? Actually,that’s not true.I have a great deal of compassion.Since I can’t work or even move, I sign petitions, write opinions,plead for the lives of the disenfranchised,the animals being wiped out by the millions,slaughtered till there are literally rivers of blood running in the street. Sometimes I can’t look at more than the 1st 2 pictures before writing because the scenes are too horrific.So I will return to my cave now and plead with people not to massacre 1 .5 million cows in Tibet every 5 years for the sake of some Goddess who can not be Hindu.Cows are revered. I have it on good authority.And yet ,these maniacs,blood up to their shoulders,blankly staring into the camera,heads and carcasses surrounding them. Our neighbors in Iowa set traps on our property when I was a child. My mother found the poor stray dogs and cats,washed their paws,sewed them up with thread like she sewed my clothes. She nursed them,fed them.They liked German food. Or maybe it was the love. And they stayed till they wanted to leave. I consider that I was raised properly. I knew the value of things. Animals were worth more than gold. You can’t buy love. If it comes to you, please be bright enough to recognize it. That flashy man with the Mercedes was a jerk.But you married him. He gave you a $20,000 diamond-ice they call it. Perfect.It described his heart.You were his trophy something when he was home but that was rarely and when he was he had watched too many episodes of Entourage.And he was a slob.But you kept the ring.The resale isn’t what you’d think it would be. Well-do you think getting rid of it wipes out the whole blood diamond thingy? Maybe? Besides you didn’t have a fun 18 month marriage,right?
(This woman shouldn’t be trusted with a dog. A cat will leave her.) You can’t buy love. But I see a great many of you with your wedding stories have tried to find THE price,even if it wasn’t your money. There isn’t a price.There is a bride,a groom, and a wedding.And the only thing that matters is getting married.One more flower,one less present,running out of punch,a feet of goats crashing the wedding,doesn’t matter. It won’t make you a better couple which is really all that does matter. So have your $100,000 wedding.Someone will call you a loser next year because the right people are having $200,000 weddings. I will never be a member of the “right” crowd accept with one person-my husband. No matter what, we can count on each other. And now,if you made it this far,I won’t be back to read the insults you have ,like an ice ball,ready to bean me with. I’d rather watch Craig Ferguson or Robin Williams.
If You see me again,G-d’s taken a nap and my husband got a job. Otherwise,we finally found a cosy spot under the freeway. Servus.

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Sachabee December 30, 2013 at 6:56 pm

“No one knows what marriage is quite as much as I do”….sweetheart, you’re not god. Get over yourself. And after 40 years? Please. Get back to me after year 70, like my grandparents. They’re both classier, kinder, better people than you have shown yourself to be. Step one: they don’t JUDGE others. Step two: they don’t lie.

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Cheap Cheap January 3, 2014 at 7:25 pm

You are not your grandparents.For all you know,they hated the sight of each other and both cheated and judged everyone. You haven’t a clue.I have lived every day stripped bare,exposed to chipmunk brains like you who have no problem judging me. Your grandparents created your parents.Enough said. Now I will retreat.Interestingly and actually shockingly -to me-no one else but you decided to be a scum ball and reply. I really thought my anguish hadn’t been submitted.And then there was you.I notice you didn’t hold yourself up as an example. But how would you now classy? I come from stock-let’s just say you’d have to curtsy IF you were allowed an audience.And I wouldn’t give you one. Money before the war and after is impossible to explain to New Worlders. As for my husband,he comes from the same kind of family.What you have or are doesn’t change.It’s the last 1,000 years that count. As for lying,I don’t. I’m rather infamous for truth telling. It gets me in trouble since I can’t remember names.I’ve tried to evade.Ladies ask who brought the kitchri or some insignificant detail at a puja.I’ve tried saying,” the lady in the front row with the yellow silk Kanjeevaram”.I tried. No go. It was Saraswathi Puja.Everyone was wearing yellow. What to do? Finally,I said,”the lady with the dark hairy arms.”
Ah! Sunanda! People always said,”If you want to know (or don’t want to know) to ask me.” I would tell the truth,however unpleasant. I really do-to everyone-children,CEO’s, postmasters, priests, royalty,even beggars.

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irishkay December 8, 2013 at 3:46 pm

I work in a upscale grocery store—one woman and her spoiled daughter came through some years back and told me that Mom took out a second mortgage on the house————-FOR THE WEDDING! We’ve collectivly lost our minds as a society!

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Mandy December 12, 2013 at 4:32 pm

My husband and I were married by a judge in our blue jeans, using a ring I already had. 50 bucks and 10 years later were still married and more importantly still happy. Would I like a “girlie” wedding one day Yes ! But we’re 28 and we just bought our first house. Which is more than some people can say. Myrtle beach does a full wedding including everything from the cake, food, limo, dj, flowers ect for 7500 why spend more on a wedding than a base level Mercedes?

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Davinci December 12, 2013 at 6:48 pm

Why spend more than a base level Mercedes?

Why not? Most people I know spend 40-80k with no regrets. None of them had to sell their Mercedes to have the event.

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Carolathone December 14, 2013 at 6:29 am

Some of our parents can pay 30k or more for a wedding, their house is already paid off and unless 30k is going to turn into 20million in their retirement, their quality of life won’t be phased at all.

We aren’t all poor. 30k doesn’t mean much to everyone.

With the general mentality in here, when the parents are old they shouldn’t live too nice a lifestyle because other people can’t, so even though they earned the right, they should live a meek lifestyle.

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Franz December 14, 2013 at 7:50 am

Can you even have a decent wedding for $30k? My fiancé and I are spending twice that and really aren’t going overboard on anything. I don’t see the big deal. If it is the biggest day of your life and you spend a couple month’s wages on it and are happy with it, more power to you!

A little advice: 1- Do not allow guests to bring gifts/cards to the wedding. If they insist and want to mail something, fine. 2- Don’t go with a place that insists on a fixed menu. Let your guests order off a full menu. 3- make the open bar a full bar so people that like nice scotches and fine wine aren’t put off.

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britney December 14, 2013 at 8:06 am

That is horrible advice on a page like this. Also you are spending waaay too much money buy a house or car! I’m kidding! Your advice is good and I bet your wedding is lovely! Spend as much as you want. I totally agree a wedding is one special day it shouldn’t be a normal everyday affair.

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Lucian December 17, 2013 at 8:36 am

“the average wedding costs $29,000 in the U.S, so my friends aren’t so far off the norm”

NO, THAT’S FALSE. The average wedding costs amongst readers of bridal magazines is $29,000. That’s who they polled to collect the number.

If we ignore the super-rich who spend millions of dollars on a wedding, then the average for normal people who read bridal magazines is closer to $15,000.

And if we also count in EVERYONE who gets married but doesn’t read bridal magazines, then I suspect the average would be closer to $5,000 or less.

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Lucian? December 17, 2013 at 8:56 am

Lucian,

Wow it’s nice to be able to randomly make up numbers and call them facts. I wish I could do that at work, save tons of time!

When you do statistics, you normally throw out the outliers, including the extreme rich and poor. The cost of a bridal magazine doesn’t exactly seem to be a pivotal income decider?

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britney December 17, 2013 at 9:04 am

Actually I kind of agree that the average is less probably more around 20000-25000 on four weddings that tends to be around what someone spends.

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JJ December 17, 2013 at 9:18 am

Averages are very misleading.. Median is the best measure of what someone in the middle pays.. And that amount is around $18k for those who actually participated in the survey.. Poorer families probably spent a lot less, and were not included.

And none of that should really matter to the couple, who have their own unique financial challenges, and may not have parents who can help out. Spend what you can afford, just like anything else.

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britney December 17, 2013 at 9:21 am

@jj
Well I don’t live in that world, hopefully one day I can take care of my mom not burden her with my bills. I will pay for my own wedding. It is great if you can get your parents to help pay but it shouldn’t be the norm.

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Britney.. December 17, 2013 at 9:32 am

I hope it is the norm. As a parent, I hope all parents would and could pay for their children’s weddings. It’s the final celebration as they move to the next phase of life and I hope to be able to make it a big send off. I will take pride in the event and the choice my child has made in sharing their life.i hope it’s the norm because that means those parents have been successful in life and were able to save or pay off this celebration, which means that their life most likely offers some comforts. Paying for a wedding shouldn’t be considered a burden to the parents (obvious circumstances can arise), but the moment you decided to have children, you chose to put their needs first, even at your own discomfort. A wedding isn’t truly a need, but those joys and memories are a need to me and I strive to provide them.

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britney December 17, 2013 at 9:40 am

People are getting married later in life college isn’t cheap. I think I would rather have my college paid than a wedding. By your estimate parents should save 100000 or more for their child(by the time you add up a wedding and college and a car) that isn’t realistic, the only thing I’m saving up for my kids is a car and college maybe 10000 towards their wedding but no more. A wedding is not a necessity.

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Sachabee December 30, 2013 at 6:47 pm

She’s allowed to spend her money on whatever she pleases, just like 30k wedding friends in the orignal wedding.

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Sachabee December 30, 2013 at 6:49 pm

She’s allowed to spend her money on whatever she pleases, just like 30k wedding friends in the original post.

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Boo February 20, 2014 at 10:33 am

“A wedding is not a necessity.”

Neither is a car and, unless, you need a degree for a specific career, neither is college.

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Elle Whitney December 17, 2013 at 10:18 pm

Hello Group!!
I just got married this past November and saw this article this evening- I typically don’t respond to blogs, but this hit close to home. Our wedding was around 40,000. There were a few times when I thought we were a bit crazy to spend this on one day, but we had a two year engagement and paid for everything in cash. I must say that we don’t regret anything and it was a wonderful day for our family and friends- I lost both parents and it was nice to have something happy to celebrate opposed to only seeing some family at funerals and hospitals etc… If you have the money and its not going to put you in financial ruin I say go for it! I found something more interesting after the wedding- I was shocked at how family members would ask how much people gave as a wedding gift- I would never disclose such info because some people gave what they could and frankly we didn’t even want gifts- we just wanted them to be there for the celebration.

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Kathy January 9, 2014 at 3:28 pm

Weddings cost an insane amount and yes $40k is a lot. While spending money on a wedding isnt for me, if you can afford it and its what YOU truly want, its worth it. Its your life and your milestone to splurge on.

I always say to people id have to be “insane” to spend x on a wedding but thats just in light of the fact that it wasnt ever what i wanted when getting married. I have friends that have always wanted one and for them it seems like it was worth the expense

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Steve December 18, 2013 at 2:55 pm

The one thing the author fails to mention in this article is that the bride and groom are going to recoup some, if not a large portion, of that $30,000 back on their wedding day.

Wedding guests generally give gifts, and many guests give the bride and groom cash. This is especailly true with weddings held at nicer venues.

My wife and I spent around $24,000 for our wedding. We had 190 guests and ended up receiving right around $14,000 back in cash (about 1/3 of that was a cash gift from my parents).

So… our $24,000 wedding really only cost us about $10,000 out of pocket.

Don’t get me wrong, $10,000 is still $10,000… but, it’s nowhere near the damage that the author of this article is implying someone who has a wedding costing tens of thousands of dollars is going to incur.

Don’t ever plan on gifts offsetting costs (people might stiff you), but, expect that you’re going to recoup some of that $30,000. Every comment on here that I’ve read talks about how $30,000 is a years income for some people. Yea, it is for some poeple… and it isn’t for others. Also, it’s usually not $30,000 that the bride/groom are out, because they are going to recieve cash gifts to offset that large price tag.

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Steve December 20, 2013 at 10:41 am

The cost of the wedding is nothing. It’s the divorce that’s really expensive.

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Ibuart January 29, 2014 at 6:43 pm

Ha!! Both of my parents are on their 3rd marriage and I’m divorced too (we went to courthouse so Cert- $90 Divorce $1500) So I guess part of my problem with wedding spending is why bother when they never last anymore anyway? (Sad, I know).
I do worry for people spending that sort of money/time/stress on ONE day of their lives, particularly those who have to go into debt to do it. BUT if the cost really is a drop in the bucket then more power to them and thanks for keeping the economy going.
Even if I could afford it I’d rather keep it simple and spend more on the honeymoon/future vacations….but if Nathan Fillion comes to senses and finally proposes I might change my opinion. ;)

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Hayden December 23, 2013 at 7:35 am

I have no problem with people hosting a party of varying extravagance. How often do you get to do that in your lifetime? As long as people can afford it, mind you.

I just wish it was for a real accomplishment. Like graduating with a degree, or a 25th anniversary of a great couple, or an athlete reaching an amazing, longterm goal. Something that required hard work and dedication. All three weddings I went to this year were extravagant, posh affairs. Two for rather young, foolish couples who were clearly all about the wedding; one bride was the definition of bridezilla, the other bride and groom got drunk and fought all night. Another was a second marriage where the couple met less than a year ago. Now I hear one couple has ALREADY separated.

I would rather celebrate with the other daughter and the son of the first couple; the daughter whom received outstanding recommendations from her residency program, and the son whom has received his second military decoration for service. They are deserving of a beautiful celebration. Some families put all their stock in celebrating these weddings, and the couple haven’t earned it. I would love to see our society celebrate true accomplishments.

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Kathy January 9, 2014 at 3:23 pm

So true!!!!

My fiance and I are skipping the wedding and eloping to napa. Im one year out if law school and were both just starting to do “well” so we are not gonna blow thousands on a party right out of the gate. Spending all that money wont make our marriage more successful, all it will do is cause money to be tighter for a long while. Once weve been married ten or twenty years i figure we will be doing even better and can afford to throw ourselves a fun anniversary party without all the wedding

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MLK January 2, 2014 at 5:14 pm

I just came across this article and started reading the comments. I have one question: why is britney (litte b) so hostile? Chill out. This topic is not serious enough to get that worked up.

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Jj January 3, 2014 at 1:14 pm

Found this whole thread very interesting.. Clearly there are parts of the country that are not enjoying the economic recovery of the last 2 years, and this could be a function of geography, but more likely it is a function of education level and skill.

Let me just leave you with two very important facts, if you are still struggling with today’s economy:

A 4 yr College grad will earn over $1 Million MORE than a HS graduate over their lifetime. PhD’s and Master’s earn even much more.. On average.

The unemployment rate today for those with a 4yr degree or better is only 3.7%, compared to 7.4% for a HS grad… And typically college grads’ unemployment rate is half of HS grads.

And the typical response to that stat is that they are all working at McDonalds.. Well guess what, only 0.6%, or 300000 out of 50 Million, of college grads in the labor force earn minimum wage.. Like to see their college resumes.

So if you are under 30 and don’t have the college degree, seriously consider one in a technical field… If you choose teaching or librarians, just make sure it has a good pension.

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naoma January 9, 2014 at 10:03 am

Similarly, I worked at a law office and a secretary was having a “wedding shower” for herself. All were invited. She sent out a list of items she WANTED. It included some very, very expensive dinnerware. One cup cost more than most people would be able to spend. She was delusional in having nothing and wanting everything. Most of the staff declined her invitation. I shudder to think what wedding plans she had made.

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Old person with an attitude January 9, 2014 at 2:17 pm

Twenty something years ago I spent under 3K for wedding and honeymoon. We were grad students. Rented a beautiful ballroom on campus (much in demand by off campus couples), small and beautiful chapel in campus, made food myself with friends (it was spectacular — better than my brother’s much more expensive catered wedding), hired a very good just starting out DJ, found a brilliant photog who was just starting out and gave us a deal, bought my stunning raw silk dress on a mega mega markdown ($300 for a $2000 dress — yes, I’m still smug about that one), etc. To those who say, you get what you pay for, You can get awfully nice things when you spend carefully and put your own time and sweat into it.

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Jules February 1, 2014 at 8:43 am

I love reading about people who pulled off a budget wedding bc it gives me hope I can do the same. I know I can spend more on my upcoming nuptials, but I just don’t want to. Call it idealism or a romantic nostalgia, but I really like the simple, pared down weddings of yester year. Thanks for the inspiration!

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BSunshyne January 13, 2014 at 2:37 pm

My husband and I are both working professionals, and spent about $30k on our wedding. we received cash $$ from my parents (abt $10k) towards the wedding, and the remainder was up to us. We calculated what was worth it, what we wanted to have to have the wedding of our dreams, and stuck to our budget (which was $30K). we did not go into debt at all for the wedding, and we both got everything we wanted. We did contact friends and family to assist with their skills for the wedding (my FIL was a professional photographer, and a friend was a DJ), which helped us stay within budget. I wouldn’t change anything about that day…. I ended up married to my husband, which is what the whold day was about anyhow.

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sy January 13, 2014 at 5:51 pm

just two thoughts: first, be careful of the word “average” because if nine couples spend $10K and the tenth spends 90K the average would be $18K per wedding, but only one spent more than $10K—second, this isn’t really the avg. of ALL weddings but the industry average for people who hire pro wedding coordinators who track the expenses, and they have a vested interest in driving up what people think is normal or at least acceptable to spend

most people in our country who spend a lot on anything, a car a vacation or a house included cannot really afford it but borrow to spend more than they have–not saying that is wrong, everyone has their own values,

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Beverly January 14, 2014 at 10:22 am

Everyone is still missing the point on the subject. It is not about your wedding or co-worker’s wedding. The question was and still is, would you tell you BF that she has spend too much money on her wedding, or would just say nothing?

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Vicarious Li January 18, 2014 at 3:08 am

THANK YOU! I have not and will not read through the 1k+ comments, but yours is the first (that I’ve read) to ask about the article’s main question.

I would not tell anyone they are being too extravagant or too cheap. However, as soon as I learn of the engagement, I would ask my friend or relative if they had set a budget. Depending on how they answer, I can tell if they are interested in my advice. Even if they are interested, I would not tell them they should or should not spend something. I would instead politely inquire if they can save enough or otherwise afford the budget.

I would also work with them to try to find ways to afford the desired items even if the budget is limited. This may mean focusing money on the item they hold most dear.

Conversely, one party may just throw out a wedding plan because they think it’s cheap without thinking about all the added costs. I would inform them of these fees. Then I would inquire if they really want their plan or are they trying to come up with ways to spend less.

What I REALLY want to know is what type of wedding the author of this blog had with $200. I would like this article to be updated with an itemized list, how they were able to get said items, and pictures. I also want to know basics like year and general location this wedding occurred and number of guests in attendance.

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Beverly March 14, 2014 at 9:44 am

See I am not the kind of person who needs to know that much about a person life, I may ask, if they help with something other then money-since I don’t have any give away. If they tell me- I got this-but thanks for asking then I will not ask again. It’s not my wedding. I don’t like butting in people life and I don’t want them in mine.
I would never tell anyone what I paid for on my wedding day.
And I will not ask for anyone advise either.
But thank you for being the only one who got this message. and what this subject is about.

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Beverly March 14, 2014 at 7:18 am

I am not understanding the post everybody is still making

would you tell tell your BFF she has spend too much money on her wedding

how hard can that be.
if everyone read the qustion on top of the page then your post should be on that subject.

it not about you or your friends or family or your co-worker wedding.

jsut answer the question, that;s all.

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cheryl January 17, 2014 at 1:20 pm

I read some of the comments and laughed. I find it hard to believe that anybody wants any other person’s opinion on how much they spend on their wedding. OR why it would it be any body else’s business I laugh on what other people think its ok to comment on and put in print or argue with another person with a topic that is clearly none of their business. There are two strangers on this post having an argument on something that is probably over and done with by other strangers that clearly wouldn’t care what they think. We have sooo… over stepped the boundaries of Freedom of Speech.

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Dave January 17, 2014 at 6:47 pm

The cost of a wedding largely depends on venue type and geographic location. For example, I got married in San Francisco. Unfortunately, $30,000 won’t get you anywhere wedding-wise in that city….

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Marian January 18, 2014 at 1:41 pm

He was in the US Army and I was working. No money at all. The Lutheran pastor cost us $25, we had the reception (chips and dip for 10 people) in our apartment and that was 55 years ago. And I don’t remember what we spent!

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Matt January 20, 2014 at 9:01 pm

To clarify, the $29K wedding is the norm for that magazine’s subscribers, not for the U.S. population at large. People who buy huge magazines full of ads for expensive bridal gowns are a skewed sample.

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cheryl January 24, 2014 at 3:50 pm

I received a lot of negative comments about a previous post I made. I never once said you were NOT ALLOWED to think $30,000 is too much to spend on a wedding. What I said was do not think your opinion is so important that the Bride and Groom give a crap what you think. I can guarantee you they don’t. My son and his wife got married last Saturday. I planned the wedding from beginning to end and made the centerpieces and party favors, etc. myself. I bought the tablecloths, napkins, chair covers, chair sashes and table overlays from Linentablecloth.com for less than renting (about $250), I bought manzetti branches from Branches.com for about $7.00 per (had 8 tables to do), decorated them with baby’s breathe and hanging garlands of bling, filled vases with glass marbles. total cost for centerpieces was about $30 per centerpiece. I bought candy from candy warehouse and cost about $150 to do a candy table, vases were purchased at TJ Maxx. We had a wishing tree, another manzetti branch and Etsy seller provided the wishing tree tags (12.00) wedding invitations ($60), candy table tags ($10) to identify the type of candy and ingredients for anyone allergic. I purchased small white boxes and my sister made white chocolate hearts to fill inside for party favors, then I made a homemade hot chocolate mix and put it with marshmellows in mason jars and tied a homemade tag thanking the guest for coming. Quite cute for a winter wedding. We decorated the tables with the beautiful centerpieces, blinged-out candle holders with votive candles and hung candle holders in the trees with wrought-iron holders. I wrapped the napkins with bands of white rhinestone diamond bling bought at SavesonCrafts.com for about $9.00 for 30 feet. Total spend on entire wedding including venue was about $5,000 My point being is that this is what the bride and groom wanted, a very intimate, cozy affair, not what the family, or friends or strangers wanted. If the couple want to spend a million dollars on their wedding, so be it. Its their decision. Not up for debate by a bunch of strangers on a blog

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auto January 31, 2014 at 5:14 pm

I think total we spent about $15k but that included a destination wedding/vacation & a reception at home a fancy hotel. I used the hotel centerpieces & added embilishments & used their hospitality room, which was free as a meet-n-greet for family. we make a great living but there wasn’t a need to spend $30k. we got massive gifts & excursions paid for on vacation as gifts. we had a lot of out of town people & had a meet-n-greet, I think a wedding should party alllllll weekend. we plugged up the ipod, cards, uno, wings, salad, hugs & kisses & I wore a small corsage. then the reception night was elegant with dinner, hor’s duerves, lighting & monogram flooring but turned up!!

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Marilyn February 2, 2014 at 5:06 pm

At the end of the day — whether you spent $30K (or more) or you give a gratuity to the Justice of the Peace — you’re married.

Personally, I cannot fathom $30K for a wedding. There are far too many other ways I would choose to spend that amount of money.

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Marilyn February 2, 2014 at 5:23 pm

At the end of the day — whether it’s $30K (or more) or a gratuity to the Justice of the Peace — you’re married.

Personally, there are many other ways I would prefer to spend that money.

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Michelle February 3, 2014 at 4:57 pm

You said the magical words: it’s not your wedding. So why waste your time even writing this article?! How is it affecting your life? Is anything being taken from you? No? So be a good friend and a listening ear. Let the couple enjoy their wedding the way they want to & spend what they want to – just like you did. I understand your point but times have changed and prices have gone up. Allow them the opportunity to be happy. Now move on with your life.

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cheryl February 4, 2014 at 12:22 pm

I comment because I can. And it doesn’t affect me in the least. And I am all for letting them spend what they want, how they want, where they want.
They certainly don’t need my permission. like I said its none of our business. And if you read the above, my point was you spend what you want on your special day. BECAUSE IN THE END, ITS YOUR DAY. And I had moved on from this article until I got your stupid freaking email commenting like you were lecturing me. Stupid, since you obviously missed the entire point of my comments. Now move on with your life.

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Boo February 20, 2014 at 10:40 am

She wasn’t addressing you.

She was obviously commenting on the story.

Now move on with your life.

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Brad February 4, 2014 at 3:11 am

As long as 30k will not be a financial burden especially to start off your new life then why not? If they are fortunate enough to do so then that probably means that they are well deserving. But if 30k is going to put them deep in debt then that’s where it would be an issue especially considering it’s one night when you can plan a lifetime of happiness together. Best Wishes!

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Cynthia February 4, 2014 at 8:14 pm

Who said money cannot buy happiness even if it’s only for a matter of time. If you have it flaunt it whether it be physical appearance, money, beautiful wife/husband, materialistic, whatever i’m sure you know what I mean. :)

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norman February 5, 2014 at 12:33 pm

Over 100 years ago Thorsten Veblen wrote about conspicuous consumption. People spend fortunes on weddings to impress everyone with their wealth, even though the chances of the couple remaining married are slim. Jews, those fossils of an extinct Syriac civilization according to Toynbee, spend a fortune on the Bar Mitzvahs of their children, even though few of them will really practice this outdated religion of petty rules and regulations; they so it for show.

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Jj February 19, 2014 at 9:31 am

$30k on a wedding (median wedding is less than $20k) is not conspicuous consumption… Lots of middle class folks are able to live below their means and splurge for their children, or if the couple is doing well, pay for it themselves.

$100k would be out of the reach of most people, and not practical… But $30k? that’s what a new Toyota costs..lol

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Mame925 February 5, 2014 at 1:02 pm

The article is an opinion piece, not an edict. These comments are amazing…and shows how far we’ve strayed from independent thinking, good manners and fiscal responsibility. I’ve been to $200 weddings, which were simple, small, intimate and charming….with a cake & champagne reception. And I’ve been to blow out events with tents, caterers, wedding planners, clowns in the children’s party room and an orchestra (not a DJ or band); I didn’t enjoy those as much, but that just might be me. However, all I can do is wish the couple a long and happy life together…50% of the time I get it right.

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Cher February 9, 2014 at 4:07 am

My partner and I will have been together eight years when we marry. Why so long? So we could have a wedding and open a business without it impacting a good standard of living. My parents have gifted £3000 of my future inheritance towards it which is a lovely gesture. Even with that our wedding will cost £9000. We found everything to decorate the venue in sales and have done some items DIY such as invitations and CD favours we are making up. My dress was on clearance sale as were my shoes. A friend of my partner’s Mom is booking a private club she goes to which works out so much cheaper than other wedding venues. We kept our guest list to 42 and are giving guests champagne afternoon tea, a bespoke wedding cake and an evening buffet with a DJ that does not amount to a horrifying amount of money. We care about having a champagne afternoon tea and an evening buffet with a dj. No part of it looks cheap. So yes, you can spend loads of money but you can get it for so much cheaper if you shop around.

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Boo February 19, 2014 at 9:08 am

$30,000 seems pretty reasonable for a wedding and a reception, dependent on guest list numbers, etc.

And you seem to want us to congratulate you for not saying anything to them about the money they’re spending.

Why? The only thing you’ve gotten right is that it’s none of your business.

They’re getting married, they’re adults, I’m presuming they’ve done their budget and their repayment plan, if it’s a loan.

You say they are your friends. SO go to their wedding, enjoy it, congratulate them and go home. That’s it.

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Boo February 19, 2014 at 9:10 am

$30,000 seems pretty reasonable for a wedding and a reception, dependent on guest list numbers, etc.

And you seem to want us to congratulate you for not saying anything to them about the money they’re spending.

Why? The only thing you’ve gotten right is that it’s none of your business.

They’re getting married, they’re adults, I’m presuming they’ve done their budget and their repayment plan, if it’s a loan.

You say they are your friends. SO go to their wedding, enjoy it, congratulate them and go home.

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Beverly February 20, 2014 at 5:58 am

The funny that about this site is that this was on so long ago that the couple is articles is about has been married for about 50 years by now, have 5 kids, 25 grandchildren, and living in a retirement home.

many of us has posted things for two now, and everything has been said before.
I had a big wedding–I has a small wedding–
this should be put to bed.
RIP

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Beverly March 13, 2014 at 1:40 pm

Tell me, who really cares about a wedding when they don’t know the people who are getting married.
Some of you have told a bit more then what your wedding will or did cost.

when it comes to rings, that a matter of tates. if you married a man who has money you don’t care about how much the ring cost, if you marry a man who is on a budget-well the both of you care.

but no one on this site care. we heard it before, many times. it time for something new to talk about, something that everyone can have a say.

like will you marry again? why or why not?
mabe someting like, I had a big wedding but the groom was not worth the money.
or
the man I married had money now he don’t, and I am leaving him.
anything that could be funny.

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Jurbee February 25, 2014 at 5:25 am

I come from a long line of skinflints (or extreme value purchasers, as I like to say), and as 20-somethings, my now-husband and I planned our own smallish but lavish wedding for about 100 guests. It’s easy to keep costs down when you’re spending you’re own money! I was a shark about negotiating everything, and every wedding vendor I dealt with knew, whether they wanted to or not, that we were on a budget and there would be no mommy and daddy cash to finance any of it. I did not have a wedding planner, consultant, or any other expensive middle-man to drain $$ from our bank account, nor did we do limos or any of that extraneous nonsense. We drove ourselves from the ceremony to the reception in a busted-ass old stick shift Honda that could barely contain my voluminous wedding veil, with us laughing the whole way there. The reception was at an olde historic inn with insanely good food (the choices were duck or lamb) and people ate, drank, and danced late into the night to our most awesome band. Prices were haggled on everything, you bet, but we tipped everyone generously. Generously. Good karma all round. The best part? We left the reception with everything paid for, no debts or bills remaining, hands dusted off.

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Congratz Jurbee! February 25, 2014 at 6:07 am

Congratz Jurbee!

It sounds like you had a fantastic wedding and that is the goal! It is great that you did a good job negotiating your vendors for your wedding. There is no need to call yourself an extreme value purchaser, at my age it is just being mature and responsible to not leave money on the table unnecessarily. Your wedding sounds much like mine except for the fact that I wish I could have had the guest list at a 100 people, but when thanksgiving for the people that live nearby for one side of the family is almost a 100, it would be quite difficult to cut it down that low and then you have friends on top of that. Integrity should have people keeping the costs down whether they are spending their own money or someone else’s money. I wish your parents had been alive for your wedding, I am sure they would have been proud being able to help pay for and take part in such an important day in your life. As parents, we look forward to the opportunity to be able to do things for our children and it is not a burden, but it can be an opportunity stolen from us when our children rob us of being able to do those little things for them. I drove myself to our wedding as well, although I did insist on my wife and all of her beautiful bridesmaids to be driven so they could continue with the frivolity of the day and not have to focus on mundane tasks on such an important day. I only wish they could have been carried on the arms of the people down the street in a parade since that was the intense joy I was experiencing that day! We had a DJ but would have loved to have experienced a band and it sounds like you had a rip roaring party, (dang, missed my invite!) ,and as you, with all of our preparations, negotiations and all; walked away with the 100k tab paid in full and went on to our honeymoon and buying our own home the next year with no stress, only joy and happiness!

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Ann March 3, 2014 at 1:53 pm

Went away for private wedding/honeymoon for just the two of us, then having a cocktail reception for 100 in his home town, having a dinner/open bar reception for 100 in my home town. For some reason alcohol and dinner s like a THIRD of the price when it’s for a “party” instead of a “wedding”. How odd. Def some price gouging going on in the wedding world.

We will get a stress free private wedding day AND honeymoon…
and two parties for 200 total…. for about $12,000.

We crunched the numbers for a 120-person typical catered wedding in my Midwest town, sans honeymoon – this article is about right with that $29K figure.

It would have been fun, but i am glad we’re doing it the way we are doing it, and squeezing in more people and more parties, no less…but hey, if you want a traditional wedding, then do it!! Just stay within your budget. Staying within your budget (whether small or large) makes everything more fun and pleasurable

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Denise March 12, 2014 at 12:10 pm

I think it all starts with the incredibly stupid idea that the engagement ring should be valued at 2 months salary! I told my husband that if he subscribed to that ridiculous idea we were going to have money management issues real fast. Nice job of marketing though on the behalf of the jewelry dealers.

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2 months salary March 12, 2014 at 3:47 pm

If for some reason your husband was silly enough to use the same set of decision making skills for finances as ring buying, you would be in big trouble. If 2 months salary for an engagement ring sinks you, there are probably bigger issues anyway.

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Denise March 13, 2014 at 7:46 am

Oh no, he didn’t use this ‘tradition’! We had been watching TV and a large jeweler (whose name escapes me at the moment) was touting their wares using the 2 months salary rule. We actually opted to skip the engagement ring and bought matching gold bands.
And no, the 2 month thing would not have sunk us, it was more a statement on my part that we needed to listen and observe our OWN priorities and beliefs, not cultural custom, or advertising blather.

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Alimony? March 16, 2014 at 5:38 am

How bitter and rude to imply that they will get a divorce because someone wants to be a princess for a day. To be frank, 30k just isn’t much money and if spending it would make your life miserable then don’t. This years bonus was almost triple that and it’s still not enough money to make me king for a day. An elegant party with people you love is fantastic and i am sorry that people’s lack of income has also provided then with a lack of character that forces them to be envious and hateful when other people have something they don’t.

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RosaMimosa March 20, 2014 at 1:51 pm

The writer has exposed so much of her hypocrisy, lack of personal character and limited intelligence. Now that is wrong.

Working class people save for years for a quince for a 15 year old daughter or quinciera for their 16 year old daughter (apologies for incorrect spelling), a fabulous foreign new car, or a dream house. Well off, financially secure couples may spend $20,000 on a “nice” vacation for their entire family, or the same amount for a kitchen remodel. None of it is the writer’s business. Why compare yourself with a so-called friend? Why not be happy for her and just think about what gift you will get her and what you will wear to the wedding? You “kept your mouth shut” but turned around and wrote a lengthy article about your friend. Hmm. You just may have to not concern yourself with the party dress, since you just might have been un-invited.

Every household, every person has different values, preferences and dreams along with paychecks and bank balances. What even makes me happy often leaves my own husband clueless. If I save my lunch money for a rare book, he doesn’t say “you know you can read that old book on your Kindle.” If I save my mani-pedi spa money to gift him tickets to the Superbowl he would absolutely love something that means absolutely nothing to me. Get over yourself lady.

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Beverly March 25, 2014 at 1:39 pm

Hello everyone
I am now one hundred and ten years old. the first time I posted something on this site I was just five years old. how long can this keep going. ask your self, do you really care how anyone spend on their wedding day, or do you think someone cares how much you spend on yours.

there is so much more to think about then you and your friends and family.

I can’t wait to see this ends.

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Patty April 2, 2014 at 4:55 pm

Some people spend $30,000 on a car and I think that’s more outrageous.

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30k for a car April 2, 2014 at 6:10 pm

30k for a car? They got them that cheap or are you referring to a bike with all the bells and whistles?

Caring what other people spend on a car is silly and shows a lot about your character that you judge people by money. I don’t think about people with more or less than me. Using my time to live my life! ( and mock stupid people I guess )

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ashley April 6, 2014 at 8:22 pm

When my husband and I were planning our wedding in 2008, we shared a 450 sq ft apartment in San Francisco that cost us over 30% of our $80,000/year gross income. (We’re both college graduates and held salaried full-time jobs with the largest magazine publisher in the US and a major beverage distributor). I learned very quickly that many local venues required obscene food and beverage minimums (north of $20,000), limited outside catering/lower-priced alternatives, tacked on 20% service fees, wanted upwards of $5,000 for ceremony space and time (not including the reception), etc. Or, if the venue didn’t provide food/beverage, you had more flexibility of course, but the fee for the space alone was often near, if not over, five figures. If you’re familiar with San Francisco, you already know that a $10,000 budget for everything other than your reception space, food and drink is laughable. (For what it may be worth, we considered Sundays and Fridays and virtually ruled Saturdays out completely given the additional cost). I wanted to share this because those of us who live in large metro areas do make the starting salaries shared in earlier posts and yet our costs of living are astronomical – a studio in San Francisco often costs nearly $2,000 with limited utilities, no parking, little or no laundry facilities and no dishwasher/disposal, among other things. The cost of living outside the city itself may be less expensive, but when the commute cost is included, it often isn’t justified unless you’re fortune enough to own a home – which, of course, isn’t a luxury that applies to this scenario. $30,000 is difficult for two working professionals in San Francisco (keep in mind our limited time for DIY) – both to afford and to even pull off. I would guess the median SF wedding (the average would be skewed by outrageously expensive events) is closer to $50-60k. All of that said, I think that the cost of someone’s wedding is their concern and their concern only. If a couple decides that an event that encompasses all of their friends and family is worth the additional expense to them because their living situation is already handled and/or they’re willing to save an extra year for their mortgage, etc., then I believe that that’s their choice. Who am I to judge? I certainly make decisions that aren’t perfect or aren’t always the so-called “smartest” thing to do, but they’re the right decisions for us as a couple and for myself and that’s what ultimately matters most. It seems that nothing stresses out an engaged couple like the judgments and opinions foisted on them by those around them regarding their decisions in the wedding planning process, and isn’t a wedding and the marriage it creates supposed to be a celebration after all? $3,000, $30,000 or $300,000 .. I’ve always believed it’s important to remember that everyone’s situation is very different and everyone’s values and priorities are very different, it’s part of what makes our reality possible. If we all lived the same way, we wouldn’t have the individual opportunities we do and, frankly, this country would be one heck of a boring place. :)

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guest April 7, 2014 at 4:56 pm

Everyone’s financial situation is different. A wedding means something different to everyone. For some people, it’s so full of tradition and personal significance, that it would be worth $30k. For others, a simple and small wedding feels just as special.

I don’t like that this article implies that a $30k wedding is wasteful. People spend according to their situation and on what matters to them. A wedding is so full of meaning and close to a person’s heart. Who are we to judge whether they spend a lot or a little?

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ss April 9, 2014 at 6:38 am

Well said! I’ve been to weddings of all parts of the budget spectrum, and each was special because of what was put in it. Not how much money was spent. We cancelled a wedding that was heading down the 30k plus path and decided to regroup before putting much money in. We cut the list, which opened us up to a beautiful smaller venue with amazing food. I feel like we struck a good balance and will only have people we are truly close to. It’s nice to not feel nauseous with every check I write. I’ll let you know how it goes after june 20! Point is, compromises can be made to fit what works best for the vride and groom, whether they spend 500 or 500k.

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