I bought a pair of pants. It wasn’t planned for, and the decision was a result of a bit of embarrassment, anger, sadness, and envy combined.
My journey to the checkout counter all started a few days ago when we walked by a CPA’s office while Emma and I curiously checked out some new office buildings. It so happened that I was looking for a new accountant to talk about my new business structure, so I decided to walk in.
After some mingling with the receptionist and introducing ourselves to the accountant, he spent the next 15 minutes trying to convince us that our business probably isn’t at the point of needing his service. We walked out confused since we didn’t even talk much about specifics, but my wife quickly made an astute observation.
Honey, maybe you should dress more appropriately next time you meet a business acquaintance for the first time.
I didn’t realize until then. I was wearing jeans, a plain colored t-shirt I bought ten years ago, an old pair of running shoes and badly needing a haircut. To my defense, we were just taking a break from our daily schedule and never intended to talk about business, but I forgot – perception matters.
Over the weekend, we were out taking a walk at the local mall. We loved the atmosphere. There were tons of people, everyone was happy and surprisingly, many people were lining up to pay. This was a total 180 from just a couple short months ago when the malls were completely deserted.
As we continued to walk, we noticed that everyone seemed to dress nicer than we did. I felt a little embarrassed at first, but could it be that bad? We started paying more attention, and the reality is actually WORSE! Actually, we found one person who dressed worse than we did. One single soul. It was so bad it actually became funny. We laughed, and realized that we never bought clothing for ourselves since honeymoon, a fabulous vacation two years ago. I ended up buying a pair of pants, and Emma bought a shirt (well, her splurge shouldn’t count since her tummy is starting to grow and she needed more comfortable clothes).
For the frugal types amongst us, this story must sound familiar. Many of us choose to be frugal, so it doesn’t really bother us.
But, do you find being frugal embarrassing at time?
For Emma and I, the answer is a resounding YES. Embarrassment happens, but we don’t mind it much. We love finding the great deal, and we love being debt free. One of these days, we might start spending more as our incomes and financial future seem more secure. But as of right now, our frugal choices are allowing us to look forward to a prosperous future. We don’t want to keep up with the Joneses, because we don’t happen to be them.
We like our name just fine. Emma and David Ning
How about you? Do you like your name, or do you want to be the Jones as well?
Aside: From the traffic we saw at the mall, I guess the recession is over. Or at least, no one cares that the unemployment is 10% and rising.
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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
My grandma always told my mom, “No one needs to know how little money you have by how you look”. You can look put together and appropriate for any occasion while still being frugal. You just have to make an effort.
Edit request: you use the word “worst” is the 6th paragraph twice. They should be replaced with “worse”.
Your grandma is right. I think we just needed to buy new clothes because we rarely buy anything anymore and every piece of linen at our place is like a decade old
Thanks for the grammar tip as well! I always encourage everyone to point out my mistakes so I can learn from it.
That’s the “big city” for you.
Probably more seriously, as they would know you weren’t wasting money on expensive clothes!
Here in my small town, you would be taken just as seriously in jeans and t-shirts as you would in a business suit
While I am known for my frugal ways, my money does the talking for me, not my clothes
You would think that the recession is putting a toll on everyone, but then I didn’t bother even telling them about the numbers since he seemed to have too much work on his hands already and just wanted to give it away to his competition.
I honestly believe the recession is over. The markets are going up everyday.
I agree with Nadia up there about making an effort. Much of how you dress is neatness, and how appropriate it is for the occasion. Unless you are way below poverty level and your clothes are older than you, taking some time will allow you to be frugal and look nice.
If you don’t like to shop in retail stores/malls, check out re-sale shops. Great deals there and you can put some nice outfits together cheap. There are many sources for locations. I was recommended to do this from a nursing home for a elderly family member that went thru a constant weight loss/gain period and the number of brand new clothes with tags still on, in great condition, hardly or never worn was astounding. Some of the brand new clothes I purchsed I had donated because by the time I purchased them, got name tags on them, they were no longer the right size. I always left re-sale stuff in the trunk of my car for a few days to air out. Works for maternity clothes, while I don’t go to re-sale shops much now, I remember seeing racks and racks of maternity clothes. And brand new or almost brand new baby items/clothes.
Here in the silicon valley, you can never tell if someone is loaded. There are tons of twenty somethings running around that are multi-millionaires and still dress like college students. That accountant you met with would miss out on a lot of business up here. Perhaps perceptions matter more in LA.
I think it all boils down to experience. Once a person experiences pain due to his perception, he learns to adapt and be more open minded about potential clients. As it stands, he will probably not know what he missed because I will be hesitant to ever step back into his office.
First time commenter David, love what I have read since I have been here.
I must say that my wife and I are on two completely different spectrums when it comes to this.
I choose to RARELY buy anything, much less clothes, unless I am getting an absolutely great deal on whatever it is I am buying. My wife has to basically force me to buy things (this includes clothes; I still wear shirts from when I was in college…..six years ago).
As for my wife, she would change her name to Jones in a heartbeat if she could afford it. She loves nothing more than to buy a new pair of jeans or shoes or splurge on a purse or dress. Not that she doesn’t know that we are in debt or have a sense of wanting to be seen and known, but moreso because she tends to want to stay on top of whatever is going on in fashion, movies or Hollywood.
I will admit though, i have found myself in the same spot you did, in feeling that others were in fact dressed better then me. Yet, I still couldn’t bring myself to buy that new pair of pants.
Welcome and glad you can join us in our little discussions every day!
I normally won’t buy something just because I see others have it, but our people watching trip at the mall the other day really made me realized that perhaps buying once a year isn’t so bad.
But then, Emma always say that I end up picking out the same shirts all the time anyway, so either
a) I will start always wearing the new pair of pants, and the investment becomes a great one. Or…
b) I never wear it, and will probably go return it!
I was just working on a post and learned that the average houshold spends about $1800 per year on clothing…..we spend nowhere near that for a family of 4.
We don’t dress like the Jones’ and we are proud that we don’t have the financial concerns of the Jones’ either.
My money looks better in my bank than on my body!
I’m a very optimistic person and I proud to be frugal, David!
i find it embarrassing when i am with my very stylish friends and i am in dirty faded 5 year old jeans and a plain t shirt that i bought in a yard sale. but other than that i really dont feel all that self conscious-i spend a lot of time alone working and whatnot. in my defense, my friends spend all the money that they dont even have and i invest it in my businesses and my portfolios. it is a case of delayed gratification for me. i win in the end
I fight this all the time, and have learned the best thing to do is to have a few nice outfits that I don’t wear very often. So when I need to dress up, I can. Dress pants, dress shirt, cardigan, dress (for weddings, cocktails), and a nice pair of heels that matches everything (red works). I buy in solids and dark colors, so everything matches. And I found a really nice seed pearl necklace at a craft fair for 1/3 of the cost it would be in stores. I’ve used it at every special event since.
I don’t find frugality embarrassing and I don’t believe in keeping up with the Jones, especially in fashion. I haven’t bought new clothes in over 2 years. However, I do believe that first impressions make a big difference and I do keep a few nice outfits for when I do business or I’m going somewhere where I might meet people who would care about the way I dress.
Two coments:
First, I really like this blog and look forward to your posts. You provide much value to readers.
Second, there is a simplicity that accompanies frugality that is a blessing, but we can look well-dressed at the same time. In fact, I think keeping things simple can convey a classic style.